▶ Your Answer :
As our world becomes global, many
people leave their city and country for many reasons, especially their
occupation. According to Korean Broadcasting System, 20,000 Korean people
emigrate into other countries and
100,000 move to other Korean cities in 2017. Some people are worried that modern people
will lose their friends as they move. However, my opinion about this issue is different. I believe that
moving to another city or country is a great chance even if they will lose some
of their old friends. One reason is that
people can make new friends in their new residence. Another reason is that they
may also lose their friends in their hometown although they still stay.
First of all, it is not hard to
meet new people and become friends one another in new places. Rather, I think
making friends in different cities and countries is
much easier than in where
they lived before. This is because new
people do not don’t have prejudice about new people. My example can be a
prime example. Before I came to America to study in California, I was worrying
about loneliness. I was alone at first time, but after a week, I met a lot of
people by joining a Christian club, which name was Four Corners. We hung hanged around together like watching a
movie and travelling to San Diego. In addition, I could meet other people by my
friends, and we talked a lot. They were so open-minded and did not didn’t have any
stereotypes. Because they were
curious about new culture, they asked many questions to me. Therefore, I think
moving to other place can be a perfect chance to make new friends.
In addition, keeping good
relationships in their hometown is not easy. Many people are so busy because of
their work in their house or office. Thus, we lose many friends as time flows. According to a research by Seoul National University,
after Korean people graduate from their high school, they averagely lose 80
percent of their friends in the
school. The research team tracked 800 people, who answered a survey about
old friends. After graduation, they have not haven’t had enough time to meet
their old friends, so their relationship was almost broken. According to a
sociology professor, Ho San Kwok, modern Korean people are too busy because of
their work and they lose their time to have a good time with their friends. He
added that he had many friends who had met in his school, but
he had met just a few of them because of his busy schedule. Thus, maintaining
relationships with their old friends is also very hard, and this is not related
to where they live.
To sum up, it is obvious that
people don’t do not have to be anxious about leaving their hometown because of their relationship with their old friends.
I hope that you will leave your city to make new friends. Of course, it is
challenging, but you will find new relationship with new people.
Good (24–26) 서론 -our world 단수 become-->becomes -줄친 부분 불필요합니다.
첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not, didn't-->didn't -hang 과거형 hung 입니다. hanged 는 매달다 입니다. 두번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요.
결론 -축약형 지양해주세요. -연두색 부분에서, you로 지칭하는 부분 people로 바꾸시던가 다른 내용으로 바꿔주세요. I 와 you등은 최대한 안쓰시는게 좋은데, 특히 you는 I보다 쓸일이 없고, 이 부분에서도 꼭 필요해서 쓴것이 아니니 지양해주세요. 내용 두 본문 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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