▶ Your Answer :
There
are some disagreements over whether or not people can remain healthy in the
present than the past. Some people believe that the degree of health in the
past is similar with the present. My view, however, is that the physical
condition in the present is better than the past. This is because there is the
improved medical technology. Moreover, there is grave interest on health in the
contemporary society.
To
begin with, the medical science has been developed gradually. In the past, the
medical technology was flimsy because there was less interest on biology, and very low level of technology helped to enhance the field of medicine. However,
as the time has passed by, a wide range of the areas on science was ameliorated.
The advanced science can have a significant impact on the medicine and biology.
With the help of advanced technology, people can prevent from spreading out
prevalent disease and increase the life-span. This is due to the fact their immune
is strengthen more than the past. For example, Louis Pasteur introduced the
concept of viruses to the medical world. With the help of the germ theory by
Pasteur, medical field could be enriched. People who suffered from inimical and
widespread disease were able to have applauding opportunity to overcome from
the difficulties and make common life. Also, the medical science could expect
the increased life-span.
In
addition, people have increased interest on their overall health condition since they earn more money (physics 물리학). In the traditional
society, people had less interest on their physical condition because the
society was not affluent to improve the quality of their life. On the contrary,
people living in the present days have a lot of time and money to ameliorate their physical
condition. This due to the fact that the contemporary society is flourished
with science and culture and can provide people enough foods that satisfy the
demand of people. Moreover, the government assists people to maintain their
health by forcing them to have medical service with few fees. The regulation
encourages people to interest on their health. For instance, in the Republic of
Korea, there is a well-developed welfare for the citizen. The welfare system nowadays in South Korea helps people to relieve their financial
burden and gives have-nots the chance to have medical service. Thanks to the
help of the government, people concentrate more on their health because they
want to utilize the options offered from the government. (여기서 정확히 사람들의 건강에 대한 관심사가 높아진 이유에 대해 조금 더 명료하게 정리해주시고 이런 건강에 대한 관심사가 높아지게 된 내용과 관련한 예시를 적어주세요)
To
conclude, the advance medical science is useful for people. Moreover, the
interest of their health is increased by the government. Considering the above
two reasons, people are easy to keep their heath in the present.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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