▶ Your Answer : Some people think that a person does not have to have information from several news sources to know many things. However, in my opinion, it is better to get information using a variety of news references. First of all, people can get much information from many sources. In addition, people can obtain more accurate data.
To begin with, people can acquire much information by using various news sources. People cannot be well-informed with one news reference because it has limited data. However, it is possible to obtain comprehensive information, if people refer diverse sources. 설명이 조금 더 구체적으로 제시되면 좋을 것 같아요. 한 매체가 담을 수 있는 정보에 한계가 있는데 각기 다른 부분들을 다룬다는 것, 그렇기 때문에 여러 매체를 통해서 여러 부분의 정보를 종합적으로 얻어야 well-informed될 수 있다는 점 등을 풀어서 설명해주면 더 설득력있는 논리를 구성할 수 있어요. For example, according to a survey conducted by UCLA’s research department, about 80 percent of participants reported that they were able to get a lot of information when they searched it by using several news references. They also mentioned that much information was beneficial because they could use it on their tasks and it helped them be well-informed. On the other hand, they could have only little information when they used one or two news sources. As a result, it is evident that people should search information from various news sources to be learned.
On top of that, people can have more accurate data when they refer a variety of news sources. There is a strong case for having wrong information using a few sources. However, with many references, people can find out wrong data and search more accurate right information. For instance, when I was in high school, I had an assignment about Korean political issues and referred one news source. I did my assignment based on the information searched from the source but I got a low grade. I asked my teacher, Mr.Kim, why I got such a low score and he said that the information that I used was biased and not accurate. Thus, when I received another assignment, I referred more than six news sources to do it. Consequently, I got a high score and learned that it is important to use many sources to be well-informed.
To sum up, people can get a lot of information and accurate data when they refer diverse new sources. In this regard, I believe that to be learned, people should search information from varied news references.
Comment : 질문 내용에 맞게 주장과 사례 흐름을 잘 잡아주셨어요. 주장을 설명하는 과정에서 좀 더 구체적으로 제시하는 부분이나 사례를 주장과 연결해서 강조하는 부분들을 수정&보완해보셔도 좋을 것 같습니다. 전체적으로 깔끔하게 잘 구성해주셨어요. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |