▶ Your Answer :
Many people have
different opinions about that it is better to work at home than working at the
company. I strongly believe that the statement above is untrue because of the
importance of reducing the efficiency of work and causing the moral laxity.
To begin with, working
at company encourages people to work with more enthusiasm. This is attributed
to the fact that company provides various convenient facilities to work better,
such as office materials, working space, and human resources. With such
benefit, people will put in more effort, concentrate better on their tasks, and
feel more responsible for their work. According to the Ministry of Labor of
South Korea in 2014, there was a huge difference between two groups of
employees in achieving. Employees in Group A worked at home during their office
hours and those in Group B rarely engaged in such activity. The researchers
showed that the latter groups spent more short hours to complete for their tasks
by 25 percent and resulted in performing ed better than the former group. This is
because, employees in Group B could save their time by using material resources
which companies have provided. In addition, when they had a problem with their work,
they could ask their elders and got help from them.
In addition, people
who work in official working place may have more responsibility for their task.
This is attributed to the fact that human beings generally tend to seek more comfort
life, if they have more a freedom of opportunity. Therefore, official working place
and time is a very important factor to make people work hard. For example, when
I was a college students, I studied to prepare the final exam at home. At first,
I thought I could save so much time for studying instead of studying at school library.
However, it was totally my misunderstanding and I spent my precious time on
watching TV and making some foods in my house. With such losing concentration,
I lacked my focus on my studying and wasted my time. Later, I realized that campus
library was better for preparing the final exam than any other place because I felt more responsible in campus library.
Taking all these
things into account, we should agree with the idea above due to the
significance of working with enthusiasm and preventing moral laxity.
Good (24-26) 첫번째 본문 -result in 다음에는 주로 명사형이 옵니다. 따라서, performed (동사) 대신에 performing (동명사) 써주세요. -Group B라고 명시해주셔야 글이 모호하지 않습니다.
두번째 본문 -편리함을 추구한다는 그냥 seek more comfort로 해주세요. -freedom of opportunity는 문맥상 적절하지 않은 표현입니다. -마지막에, 좀더 본인의 이유와 연결시켜주는 단어/문장들 넣어주면 좋습니다.
전체적으로 내용 괜찮습니다. 자잘한 부분에서 보충해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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