▶ Your Answer :
In general, it is a well known fact that to express one’s idea
is important for individual and for society. Especially, the method of the
expression is an ongoing question. If I was forced to choose one of two methods,
telephone or e-mail, I would ’d like to use e-mail without any hesitation.
Firstly, e-mail will block the extra effect, such as negative
affection which might be delivered by telephone. When we say our opinion
opposes to the counterpart, we can easily become stressed out and nervous, and this
feeling goes through the line with a lot of misunderstanding. This means, the
other might not be able to understand what does the assertion means really. As a
case in point, I had to almost fight with my son’s teacher when I called her
because of her strict instruction. As soon as I represent an aggressive view,
her voice was pitched s up so I can feel embarrassed and disappointed about my
call.
Secondly, e-mail is the most effective and efficient way to
give one’s idea. Since it can make us to consider about our idea and give us a
chance to arrange and confirm before sending an e-mail. Which means, we can make it
more clear to express our accurate idea. Even more, it is faster than many
other communication methods such as telephone, paper-letter and paper card. This
accuracy and velocity is one of big advantages of e-mail. For example, when I
was a sophomore, I had to discuss about a philosophical report with my class
mate. At the first time, everything about our work was flawed. Our discussion was ng
what something odd and unclear. We could not cannot catch exact point of each other’s
opinion which is definitely different from each other ourselves using telephone. However,
when we switched turn the method to e-mail, writing all the idea one by one, it was successful
for our task, because we can understand other’s point.
To sum up, as I mentioned, e-mail is one of the best ways for
discussing and delivering one’s idea. E-mail can help us to avoid extra
misunderstanding from negative feelings, and also this gives us time for arranging
and confirming idea once again with a high velocity with just one mouse click
‘send’. Therefore, I strongly recommend using e-mail rather than telephone.
Fair (17-20) 서론 -명사 앞에 관사 -수동태가 맞는 문맥. force 당하는 것이므로. 따라서. was forced -축약형 지양해주세요. I'd-->I would -문단 안에서 줄바꿈 실수
첫번째 본문 -,로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. 등위접속사로 이어주세요. 이 경우에는 문맥상 and가 적합. -문맥상 과거이므로 called, pitched -밑줄 친 부분, 더 구체적으로 서술해주세요. 감정 표현이 드러나서 어떤 안좋은 영향/결과가 있었고, 왜 이메일에서는 그 문제가 없었을까에 대해서 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -one of 복수 -깔끔하게 our discussion was 로 바꿔주세요. -문맥상 과거이므로 cannot-->could not -turn은 살짝 어색합니다. change나 switch로 바꿔주세요.
결론 -one of 복수 -문장 두 개 이을 때 등위접속사. 이 경우엔 and
내용적으로 보충할 부분들도 있고 문법 실수도 많습니다. 연습 많이 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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