▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that
connecting teacher with students is more important than teachers being experts
because teachers can train each of the students to be an expert, who would become
a leader of the field. However, in my opinion, being an experts in their fields
seems better for the following reasons.
To begin with, teachers gets
less stress. To be more specific, because students do not know well in the
field as their teacher does, they would frequently ask and bother him if the
teacher is well connected with their students. However, teachers who focuses on
only expertising his own field would not have to concentrate on students. He
would not be bothered by others and can concentrate on developing his career. For
instance, when I was an undergraduate student, one of the professors in my
university did not care about his students. His face was always happy related
to other professors because he did not get lots of stress.
On top of that, teachers can
develop an amazing product that can change the world. In fact, because teachers
can focus on expertising his own field, he can think more deeply and develop
the theory more concisely, and that leads to making products which can be useful
anywhere. We can think of Tomas Edison as an example. He failed more than a
thousand time to develop a bulb. The reason he could make it was that he was not connected to did
not have any students he taught. Instead, he used his time to think what was
wrong with past experiment and try to develop a better one. This is why he
could make a bulb in the end, and it is one of the best changes our world
experienced.
Teachers being an expert is
important because he can have less stress and develop an amazing product that
others cannot provide. In this regard, I think a teacher should focus on being an
expert in their field rather than taking e care of students.
Good (24–26)
서론 -불특정 다수의 대상을 지칭할 때는 복수형태로 쓰는 것이 자연스럽습니다.
첫번째 본문 -이유가 약합니다. 특히, 첫부분에서, 학생들이 지식이 없으므로 관계면을 건드린다는 설득력이 떨어집니다. 좀더 설득력있는 이유/ 설명 해주세요.
두번째 본문 -끝에서 네번째 줄에서, 주장과 좀더 연결시키기 위해 토픽에 나와있는 표현을 써주면 더 유기적인 연결이 됩니다. -one of+복수 -토마스 에디슨이 선생님이였다는 내용을 더 강조해주세요.
결론 -should (조동사) 뒤에 동사 필요합니다. -rather than 앞 뒤로 being 과 taking 병렬입니다. 형태 맞춰주세요. 내용면에서 좀더 보완해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
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