▶ Your Answer : An intriguing of topic at hand is whether or not (혹은 if 로 대체) people nowadays are less happy with their lives than old people from previous generations, since the world is changing so fast. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on individual perspectives. Thus, the jury may be out. However, As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with the statement. In this essay, I will explore the two main reasons for my standpoint as follows. To begin with, people have difficulty adapting to new information since it's always changing. the world's rapid change allows people to have difficulty adapting to information. Today's studies or information are significantly updated in tandem with the develpoment of technology. Therefore, people are easily overwhelmed with the overabundance of knowledge. For example, as a biologist, I used to update thesis and science journal only twice a week because there was not much information variation. However, since 2010, as technology and scientific findings started growing quickly, I've had to check and update every information on a daily basis. It's been difficult (for me) to keep up with This made me hard to be familiar with a overloaded new information. In addition, as the world requires people to contribute more time to their job, they have less spare time to enjoy. Recent changes in workplace have caused people to be more stressed out. The working environment these days makes people devote themselves to workplace, so the amount of quality time is decreasing. shirinking. For illustration, my father's case can be a compelling example for this. He has worked for a bank for 30 years. In the past When he started the career, he was able to spend time with the family would often have enjoyable time with all the family members at night and go on summer vacations. However, since he has to work longer hours, we have lost many opportunities for family bonding. at some point, his working hour has changed along with the employment trend extending working hours. My family lost many opportunities of family bonding. In conclusion, I strongly argue for my standpoint on account of the two main reasons aforementioned. Although the verdict may still be out, I believe the two of my rationales are sufficiently convincing enough to represent the majority of people's view on this matter. who are favor in my claim.
Writing score (0-30): 24-27 Score: 3.75-4.25 Grammar: 문법이 전반적으로 좋으나 시제에 좀 더 신경 쓰시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. Feedback: 글의 포인트 잘 잡으신 것 같아요. 하지만 문장을 좀 더 간결하게 쓰시면 이해하고 포인트 전달 하는데 더 효과적 일 것 같아요. 수고 하셨습니다. |