▶ Your Answer :
The world is
changing at a rapid pace influencing economy, education and more. Accordingly,
recently, a debate has been brought about whether it is beneficial for children
to take a part time job in order to prepare better for adult life. Some allege
that part time job can help students to realize the importance of money and
socialization skills, which are really favourable for the future. However,
others are dubious about the effects and suggest possible disadvantages of
encouraging children to take a part time job. Considering both merits and
demerits, it seems that the latter argument is more valid for two essential
reasons. (GOOD)
First and foremost,
part time jobs can give negative impact on students’ studying ability. Teenager’s
role is to study hard and learn basic concepts that are necessary for future
occupations. However, working can interrupt students from concentrating on
study. This is because working on a part time job can make students to feel
very tired and exhausted. Thus, after the work, students may not concentrate on
study and just fall asleep during classes. Furthermore, by spending a lot of
time in working, children will not have a lot of time to review their class
work or do some class assignments. Lacking of studying time is bound to lead to
less solid comprehension. However, especially for teenagers, getting a proper
education is really overarching in order to fulfill one’s curiosity and make dreams
to come true. + 이를 뒷받침하는 evidence 를 적어주세요.
In addition to,
there are a variety of activities that can fulfill the benefits gained from
taking a part time job. In most cases, parents encourage children to work in
order to teach the importance of money and socialization skills. However,
recently, there are a number of other helpful activities that can fulfill the
advantages gained from working. For example, students can broaden horizon and
learn socialization ability by meeting a lot of people through club
activities. Furthermore, by doing some house chores and getting allowance from
parents, students can learn the significance of money. Therefore, with a
variety of other activities that are more suitable for children, students can
learn a lot of lessons and prepare for adult life.
In light of these explanations, it seems
that encouraging students to take a part time job is not the best avenue to
assist students to prepare for adult life. This is not only because working can
give negative influence on student’s studying ability but also because there
are a number of activities that helps students to learn for the future. (주제에 대한 본인의 입장 외 주제의 향후 방향: 앞으로 학생들은 part time 과 관련해서 진로 혹은 work-school balance 에 맞게 신중한 선택을 하길 바란다: 등 을 적어주세요)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR-GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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