▶ Your Answer :
People have different opinions about the
statement that movies and television can influence people negatively. (주제 문장 그대로 사용 지양해주시고 paraphrase해 주세요) influence on people rather
than positive. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. I,
however, strongly believe the statement above is not true because of the
importance of developing human relationships and relieving stress.
To begin with, when it comes to the
importance of developing human relationships, watching movies with friends is
very sensible. Since the world is becoming colder than before, many people find
it hard to keep and build good relationships; thus, it is crucial to keep
conversations with friends, and therefore people should know that watching television programs with friends is essential because they can maintain their conversation
with many topics from the television program. For example, when my friend's uncle was
young, there was no television at his home because his parents thought that it would have a
negative influence on him. Unfortunately, he suffered from communication did not have much experience to share with
his friends when they talked about the popular television show that they watched together. In
contrast, my aunt was raised up with her mother who is a famous film director
in Korea. She was able to watch any movies easily, thanks to her mother. and watched
it with her friends. As a result, She was able to have a lot of conversations
with her friends about movies she watched. This led her to become a social person with abundant topics to begin conversation. being a good friend. According to a well-known Korean
sociologist Jinwoo (성), people can accomplish the goal of building human relationships in an effective
manner when they spend more time watching movies with someone. He also suggests that it will generally take a long time to achieve
this beneficial effect if people will not admit the advantages of watching
movies with their friends. (해당 예시 외의 '영화를 봄으로 인해 얻을 수 있는 구체적 benefit point가 담긴 내용을 서술해주세요: 예 - BP1) 영화 속 특수효과와 스토리를 통해 상식과 상상력이 풍부해지고 BP2) 영상을 바탕으로 정보를 더욱 빠르게 흡수하여 이를 바탕으로 사람들에게 쉽게 다가가서 먼저 대화를 걸 때 유용하게 활용할 수 있다)
+ Relieving stress에 대한 내용이 빠져있습니다.
Taking all of these things into account, we
should disagree with the issue due to the significance of building good human
relationships and relieving stress. There is no doubt in my mind that movies
and televisions show has a positive influence on people's future.
- Template 사용 시 주제에 더 최적화 될 수 있게 작성해주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC | ORGANIZATION | PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE | LANGUAGE USE | GRAMMAR | FAIR | LIMITED | LIMITED | FAIR | FAIR | 각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD |
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