▶ Your Answer :
Students’ intellectual, social, and
personal development is highly influenced by the knowledge that they attain in
university. With this understanding, I believe that it is necessary for all
university students to take at least one course about teaching the culture from
another country for two reasons. This is because taking class about foreign
culture enables students to broaden interpersonal skills later and enjoy a
better quality of life by strengthening competitiveness in society.
To begin with, taking course about foreign
culture enables students to broaden interpersonal skills later. Understanding
the importance of social skills in work environments, and the potential role of having knowledge in another country’s culture is necessary to substantiate this view. I
engaged in a variety of academic studies relevant to my major, electrical engineering, during my university years. In addition to my major, I was interested in
understanding Japanese culture, and I took a course that teaches Japanese history. This was
extremely useful in helping me to broaden interpersonal skills for later years
in society. In one situation, I joyfully continued talking about current issues
in Japan with my clients who came from there after meeting because I could understand
their background better thanks to the classes I had taken during university
years. In this regard, I learned that university students can become more
sociable in later years by taking courses about foreign culture.
--> Template 을 비교적 잘 활용한 예시입니다.
On top of that, taking courses that teach
another country’s culture is a perfect way for students to enjoy a better
quality of life. (더욱 나은 삶의 질이라는 단어는 굉장히 모호합니다. 글에서 말하는 job promotion과 연계하여 "직업적인 측면에서 더욱 분석력을 갖추게 되고 이는 커리어 내 빠른 성공으로 이어진다" 는 구체적인 이유를 작성해주세요) Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea
published an article last Tuesday which claims that taking courses that teach foreign
culture allows people to strengthen competitiveness in society. The article
claims that 82 percent of Korean leading recruiters prefer people who have
understanding on the culture of another country. Recruiters show such a
tendency because they tend to be more analytical.(다른 나라의 문화를 이해하는 경우 보통 'understanding/empathy/better communication/등의 키워드가 들어갑니다. 왜 분석력과 이어지는 지에 대한 설명이 현재 글에서는 충분하지 않습니다) In the long run, critical
thinking enhances work performance. This is because they were aware of how the
world works due to various perspectives acquired from the university courses
that taught another country’s culture. This not only results in job promotions
but also encourages them to ultimately enjoy a better quality of life.
To sum up, I argue that it is necessary
for all university students to take at least one class that teaches the culture
from another country for the following reasons: to broaden interpersonal skills
and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view
cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR-GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- Template활용 시 language/grammar에서는 Fair 점수 들어갑니다.
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