These
days, a lot of vegetarians are exposed to the
mass media and people easily can hear why they decide to intake vegetable only.
In my opinion, I think that their decision is right and vegetarian would be
better than meat eater. This is because that vegetarian's decision arises from in
loving the animal heartily and this dietary habit helps people take good shape.
To begin with, I contend that vegetarian's decision arises from loving the animal sincerely. How a loaf of meat on the table comes? If someone knows the answer correctly, we will be able to realize why a vegetarian does not intake the meat. Today, a majority of animals would be abused or mistreated somewhere in order to become loaves of meet which cater to people's tongue.
For
example, television news program reported the brutal and terrible
reality of the hen's life. This program filmed the numerous of narrow cages in
which they could not move their body freely. In the abnormal cages, they just
laid the eggs constantly until they were not able to hatch the eggs any more.
Continuously, the news program also showed the horrendous cow's horrendous life. Reportedly, they forcibly ate a pile
of hay which were included antibiotic opulently as this is the optimal way to
express the chewy texture. Since the vegetarian have recognized the savage
treatment for animals, they cannot can't
try to digest meat any more.
Secondly,
I assert that this dietary habit helps people stay
take in good shape. It is not doubtful doubt
of question that vegetable has not only less factor to gain weight than meat,
but also contains salutary elements to contribute to improving our health. Some
people who has perverse sight of vegetarian often refers that the paucity of
protein occurs bad effects for health,;
however, this is challenged that there exists alternative vegetable to fill the
gap such as kidney bean. So this diet does not occur severe problem if you try
to balance the nutrition. Following example shows directly why this habit is
good for your health. Two weeks
ago, I saw the TV program, "My country hometown Is Best!", which
deals with chiefly with the elderly
generation's daily life. tThe TV show
introduced marriage couple whose ages both were more than 90 years.(
grandfather was 92 years old and grandmother was 97 years old at that time)
tThe TV interviews showed that he had
enjoyed intaking meat, but this dietary habit made his blood vessel blocking
because of amassing monounsaturated fats so that he suffered from severe
disease. From that day on, they started to change the main food into vegetable
and this regime made me not only recover my health normally, but also offered
him v-shaped abdominal muscles despite pretty old age. The doctor who had
treated him referred that one of the critical factors why he was able to
recuperate the severe symptom was intaking fresh vegetable constantly and he
also referred that she lived longer without no problem since grandmother also
accompanied this dietary food program with grandfather. Therefore this
information alluded why this dietary habit contributes to taking in good
shape.
Since vegetarian loves the animal sincerely, and this dietary habit makes people healthier, I think vegetarian would be better than meat eater.
Fair/Good (22-24)
서론
-a lot of 뒤이므로 복수가 어울립니다. vegetarians
-arises from 으로 충분합니다. 뒤에 in 넣는 것 부자연스럽습니다.
첫번째 본문
-be able to 구문
-문맥상 단수이므로 a vegetarian
-for example 뒤로 줄바꿈 하지 않습니다. 한 문단안에서 줄바꿈 지양해주세요.
-cow 가 horrendous 한 것이 아니라 cow 의 horrendous 삶이므로 순서 바꿔주세요.
-축약형 지양해주세요. can't-->cannot
두번째 본문
-take in good shape--> stay in good shape
-doubt of question 어색한 표현입니다. 그냥 it is not doubtful로 표현해주세요.
-chiefly with the 순서
-대소문자 오류. 문장 첫번째는 항상 대문자. t-->T
내용 괜찮으나 문법 오류 많습니다. 표현/문법 연습 많이 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~