▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, positive thinking plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that thinking positively when people fail is more important than succeeding itself while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked (어떤 질문을 받았는지 써주셔야 합니다. if you were asked what?), I would say being optimistic is very important in life.
To begin with, being optimistic is likely to bring about a better result in life. This is because positive people try to learn a valuable lesson from every experience regardless of whether it is a success or a failure._Such traits tend to increase their overall happiness in life. For example, when I was in high school, I was assigned a science group project with my class mates. We made every effort to get a high score that as we spent a lot of time on searching for resources in the library and conducted a field research to get reliable data for the project. However, we got the lowest grade in the class. Although we failed the project, I felt good since it was an opportunity to mingle well with my/the team members. Through the project, I was able to easily connected with my friends and promote the relationship (어색한 표현입니다). In other words, I learned the importance of interacting with friends from the failed project. - 이것이 어떻게 토픽 센텐스에 나와있는 better result in life가 되는지 써주셔야 합니다.
In addition, optimistic people tend to succeed in life in a long term (본론1의 토픽 센텐스와 같습니다). Life is long, thus there are several opportunities coming. In fact, just one failure is not a big trouble. The more important thing is obtaining the next chance (설명이 굉장히 broad합니다). Positive people tend to get over a feeling of depression easily and go forward. For example, Wwhen my sister was in high school, she felt depressed when she got a low score in the first SAT. Since she made constant effort that she spent spending the whole day studying all academic subjects, she was disappointed a lot and she even wanted to give up the second SAT. However, after her mother encouraged her, she was able to believe in herself again. She tried her best in the Ssecond SAT and finally got accepted to Havard University. If she had not thought positively, she would have fallen behind.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of being optimistic far outweigh those of being negative for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of being positive cannot be overestimated in life.
Score: 19점 Comments: - 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다. - 문법 실수가 많이 없습니다. - 문장 중간에 있는 단어를 대문자로 시작하지 말아주세요. - 전체적으로 설명이 굉장히 broad합니다. 더 구체적이고 논리적인 설명이 필요해보입니다. - 제시하신 이유는 적절하나 설명이 부족하고 본론1과 본론2 둘 다 비슷한 내용을 다루고 있습니다. - 컨텐츠에 신경을 더 써주시면 좋겠습니다.
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