▶ Your Answer :
There are might some people who believe that
playing computer game should not be allowed because it is a waste of time. However,
I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First,
pPlaying game can help people get rid of stress. Second, playing computer game is a good way
to have fun with friends.
To begin with, it can be a way to relieve
stress by playing games. People nowadays are living a busy and hectic life, so
they are under great stress, but a lot of them do not don’t realize they are stressed
out. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was attending
university, I had many classes every in the morning. Therefore, I also had a lot
of assignments, which was very demanding so I was usually stressed out after my
study. By playing computer games, I could forget my daily stress and feel refreshed.
This is more serious than we think, so if it can ever be a way to relieve
stress, playing computer games should be allowed to get rid of stress.
In addition, it can be a good way to have a
great time with friends. People can spend time and have fun together while playing
computer games and talks about it afterwards, which improve conversation. Thus,
they can create fun memories of having fun together. According to a recent
research done by Korea university, 76% of the respondents said that they often play
computer games to socialize with their friends. They said this is no different from
going to the movie or playing sports since it creates opportunity for them to
have a good time with friends. This is clearly shows that playing games helps
people to have a good relationship.
In conclusion, by playing computer games, it can
relieve stress and is good for relationship. In this regard, I strongly believe
playing computer game is not a waste of time and should be allowed.
Good (24–30)
서론 -there might be/ there are 둘 중 하나로 써주세요. -대소문자 오류 -stress 가 없어지는 대상이 필요하므로 people을 넣어주면 더 자연스러운 흐름이 됩니다. 첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not -중간에서, every day in the morning 혹은 본문에 바꾼대로 바꿔주세요. -수동태는 be p.p 형태로 씁니다. -마지막 문장도 마찬가지로 수동태 이므로 be p.p 형태
두번째 본문 -끝에서 두번째 줄에서, is , shows 둘 다 that 절 앞에서 동사로 쓰입니다. 주어 (this) 하나에 동사가 두개이므로 부적절합니다. is 생략해주세요.
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법적 실수 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |