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Your Answer :
Some people think that colleges do not have
to offer free education for everyone. However, in my opinion, college education should be
available for everyone. (make everyone to get opportunities for free
education.) First of all, universities need to provide chances to people who are
less fortunate. (do not have enough money to enter university.) In
addition, if colleges are (to be) free,
students’ academic performances would be enhanced.
To begin with, colleges should offer free
education so that students from poor families can study at school. There are
many parents who cannot afford expensive educational expenditure for their
children. (Students really want to be educated from college but they cannot do
because of family circumstances. 불필요한 문장) However, governments have to offer fair opportunities for everyone, so
they should make universities (to) give free education. If universities
practice this, everyone will be able to go (the) school regardless of their social
status. (wealth.) For example, according to the survey conducted by
Korean Educational Department, more than ten thousand students from low income families said
that they would (decided to) attend school if
colleges are free. (when colleges altered their educational expense as
free.) Thus, it is evident that many students give
up on their education due to financial issues. (cannot choose college
entrance due to money.)
On top of that, academic (scholastic)
achievement of students would be improved. If college education is provided for free, (several) many
students will (aim to) go to university. As a result, everyone will try
hard to perform better to compete with others, which allows
the country to have more competent students. (entirely than they did in the
past.) Take France, as an example. Tuition fees
are free in France so many students really
want to enter. Therefore, everyone tries to
do their best in high school since colleges evaluate the
applicants based on their academic performances. Consequently, total
scholastic accomplishments of French high schools are
higher than those of other countries.
To sum up, schools should give a chance for
poor students to get free education and overall academic performances of
students would be improved. In this regard,
I believe that colleges should allow (have
to make) students to go to school without educational expenditures.
Writing Score (0-30): 20-21
Score (0-5): 3.00-3.25
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류가 많고 설득력이
떨어집니다. 좀 더 공부가 필요 합니다. 수고하셨어요.