▶ Your Answer :
Neighbors play an important role in our
society. However, so sadly, most of people today do not have enough qualities
to be a nice neighbor. I think there are two lacking of crucial factors lacking;
understanding and being helpful, and I will explain the required factors in
this essay.
First of all, one of the significant
qualities of a good neighbor is understanding one another. This is because,
there are so many different types of people in these days. 설명 내용을 더 보완해주세요. 다양한 사람들이 있는데 상대방을 이해하는 것이 왜 좋은 이웃의 덕목인지를 논리적으로 설명할 수 있어야 합니다. For example, someone
is raising a dog, but other person does not like a dog. Sometimes they do not
try to understand each other, so they cannot find a middle ground of the argument. Even
tThis disputation can even cause a severe fight between them. If they try to understand a
different type of person, the fight never will happen and they can be good
neighbors.
Secondly, good neighborhoods are helpful
for their neighbors. As you know, sometimes most of people face with many unexpected
problems. Also, these problems often cannot be resolved by oneself. 이런 상황에서 좋은 이웃은 도움을 준다는 부분까지 모두 설명해주세요. For example,
one person who does not have an equipment which is needed at that time visited his
the next-door to borrow the stuff. If the neighbor lends the equipment to the
person, he can will be must thankful to his neighbor and try to repay. Obviously,
this will make solid relationship between them, and they can be nice neighbors neighborhood to each other.
To sum up, I strongly believe that a good
neighborhood should have these two qualities; understanding their other neighbors and trying to be being
helpful. This is because, With these qualities, such people do not fight due to a trivial problem,
and they are be able to build strong bonding.
Comment : 좋은 이웃의 자질로 이해심과 도와주려는 자세를 언급한 점은 좋습니다. 하지만 각 본론에서 이에 대한 설명이 충분히 제시되지 못했다는 점이 아쉬워요. 사례를 제시하기 전에 좀 더 구체적으로 그 자질들이 왜 좋은 이웃으로서 중요한 자질인지를 설명해주세요. 문법오류나 어색한 표현들도 신경써서 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |