▶ Your Answer :
It is generally agreed that the ability to
make many new friends easily is really important to students. Some people will say
that the capability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over
a long period is more crucial element to students because it makes them relieve
their stress, tell deeply stories that , cannot be shared with common other friends hardly.
However, I strongly believe that the skill to make various many new buddies easily readily is
the most more important for students for a couple of reasons.
First of all, the capability to make many new friends can
allow students to improve their perspectives. What I mean is that by
communicating with variety friends from various backgrounds, it is possible for them to learn about
different things and gain valuable experiences. It also makes them competitive in
the society. Additionally, we usually meet various new people in the during our campus
life, if we have the ability to make many new friends, it can help us interact
with new people easily. (캠퍼스 라이프 내용이 문장의 나머지 부분과 어떤 관련이 있는 것인지 알 수 없습니다.) Plus, it allows us to build stronger relationships and
to expand our social network. For example, when I was a high school student, I
was a very shy guy so I had few friends. However, I read the book “Skills of
communication and relationship” and then I tried to make many new friends. It
could allowed me to learn about varied different cultures cultural, artisan through them. Therefore,
I think that the ability to make new friends easily is essential to student for
broaden their perspective.
Secondly, we can easily get friends’ help. What I mean is
that if we encounter the unexpected problems, students who have many friends
can solve problems instantly because he can borrow get help from many friends’ hand. Plus, their
friends also can contact other friends who can solve problems. On the other
hand, if we have only a few friends, we cannot solve the variety problems as easily (=그만큼 쉽게) since
they might not be have the background related to problems (해석이 안되는 어법이 틀린 문장입니다). For example, our
math teacher told (누구에게? told who?) that when he had a problem about the patent (문장을 완성해주세요). He did not have friends
can who could deal with the problem so he had to spends a large amount of money to solve this problem. If
he could have had many friends, he can would have been able to save his precious money. Hence, we should always try to
make many friends.
All in all, I think that students need for the ability to
make many new friends because it can allow them to develop their perspective.
Not only that, we it can get friends' help easily. Hence, I strongly agree with the
statement that the ability to make many new friends easily is more really important to
students.
Score: 13 Comments: - 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다. - 제시하신 이유가 모두 적절합니다. - 그러나 문법 실수가 많아서 설명을 이해하기 힘든 부분들이 있었습니다. 특히 본론2의 예시 설명에 조금 더 신경 써주시면 좋겠습니다. - 본론1에는 반복되는 내용이 있습니다. 중요한 부분만 전달될 수 있게끔 해주세요. - 두가지 주장 모두 적절하고 좋아서 문법 실수들이 더욱 아쉽습니다.
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