▶ Your Answer :
There is no shortage of debate about whether children need to do physical activities for the purpose of entertaining or for competing. In my opinion, youngsters should consider sports as a kind of competition rather than just enjoyable experience. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in following essay.
To begin with, physical activities as competition help young people handle problems between them. To be specific, solving social problems is one of the most important abilities for successful life, and it can be improved through sports games where they compete for achieving goals like in society. However, most of activities children do in school or for their free time with other students are always fun and collaborative activities where they cannot learn about how to handle conflicts between their friends. Therefore, sports as tools for having various social experiences can encourage them to know about how to compete constructively. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a high school student, I used to play soccer with my classmates for my free time. Since we did not want to play sports just for enjoyment considering that there were other countless methods to relive stress and enjoy, I participated in each game very seriously and had some tensions between classmates. Thanks to this experience, I became more empathetic and was able to develop social abilities concerning how to roll with punches as I tried to solve this kind of problems. Upon getting a job after graduation, my company's executives recognized my skill regarding team project management, and I was able to be promoted at a surprising pace. --> "competition을 통해 협상과 적응, 위기를 극복하는 능력 등을 스포츠를 통해 얻을 수 있었다" 는 내용 처럼 competition in sport가 구체적으로 준 능력에 대해 적어주세요. 그리고 "이를 통해 empathetic하고 social skill을 기를 수 있었다" 는 내용으로 이어주세요. On top of that, children only have a feeling of accomplishment in a competitive game. To explain it, playing sport just for fun does not give any drive to play hard or do their best since there is no attracting objective. On the contrary, physical activities as competitive experience provide them with serious goals they need to grasp and even pressure from the obsession that they must win. As a result, by wining a game with great effort they can learn about how to do their best and how it is exciting to attain goals, which promote them to pursue further valuable goals outside of sport games. For instance, my younger brother, Minsu, was indecisive when he was little. However, after he joined a tennis club in his college, his characteristics began to change in a positive way. When he needed to start something, such as studying foreign languages, he set some goals he should achieve for bigger and eventual goal. He kept enthusiastic attitude toward accomplishing. + 이렇게 민수가 변하게 된 이유는 바로 스포츠에서 ~을 배웠기 때문이다 는 내용을 적어주세요.
결론 작성해주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR-GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 결론 작성하지 않을 경우 점수가 크게 낮아질 수 있으니 이 점 참조하여 시간 분배 practice해 주세요.
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