▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, parents play a
significant role in young people's lives in many of the places where they work
or play. Some people say that the young today are less dependent on their
parents than those in the past while others do not. Both sides may have their
own reasons to support their opinions. If I could choose one side, I would say
that I agree with the former stance statement for by the following reasons.
First of all, with the
development of the internet technology, young people started to be independent in
finding information rather than asking for help from their parents. Since there
are many websites that provides plethora of information, the young will be are able
to find satisfactory answers by themselves. For example, according to a
research conducted by Korea Youth Center in 1994 and 2014, there was a huge difference
between the teenagers from those the era. 80% of the teenagers at 1994 replied that
they found find some information they needed from their parents. However, 95% of the
teenagers at 2014 answered that they just looked it up on Google or Yahoo
whenever they were are curious about something. This implies that the growth of the internet technology decreased the young people's dependency on their parents in terms of getting information.
In addition, since young
people have many online relationships today, they do not require help from
their parents that much as in the past. The development of social networking services helped young people
to discuss their problems with online friends. Also, since wide networking is
available, there is an advantage of obtaining more diverse perspectives on one's
problem than just from parents. Therefore, the young depend less on their
parents than before. For instance, when my sister had problems with her friends
when she was in middle school, she often asked for advice from parents.
However, after she started using facebook in high school, she got advice and
words of comfort from facebook friends. They told my sisters some tips on how
they overcame problems with friends and teachers. She was happy that she could
obtain advice and helpful comments information from a lot of friends, and she also felt secured in her
relationships since she had a wide network in on facebook. Without the use of SNS,
she would not have overcome her dependency on parents.
All things considered, I
firmly believe that the young are more independent on from their parents than those
who lived in the past. All in all, the effect of technology development cannot
be overestimated in modern society.
Comment : 인터넷 기술의 발달이라는 현대 사회의 특징적인 요소로 주장을 풀어낸 점이 아주 좋습니다. 설명과 사례도 적절하게 잘 연결해주셨어요. 품사, 시제오류 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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