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Some people believe that by doing schoolwork together, parents can have a good time with their child. Whereas, I think that playing sports or game with their children is the better approach to spending their time. First of all, children can relieve their stress effectively. Secondly, they can learn about the importance of rules which are also adapted to their life.
is required
a lot of things to have to do such as the assignment, test and the
relationship between their friends. that's Those
could make them to get a tired easily. Hence
it is better to concentrate on their hobby rather than difficult schoolwork.
For example, when I was in elementary school, Mmy parents were was
too busy to take taking care of me
because of their work. In order to reduce my loneliness, they They taught and did my task together at
weekend. However, although my score was increased thanks to father's help., I lost interest about study as time went goes by. I hated that
I have to do schoolwork even at my home without relax time. However, my mother
gave me the suggestion which is playing a sports or game rather than doing an
assignment, I could relieve my stress easily also I could enjoy on my
school life better than before.
won. They should solve their problem
exploit tactic permitted as within the law, and if
they ignore this law, they can not win be
won the game and also got a penalty. Moreover, sometimes they have
to interacts and exchange idea when they faced a problem that they could
not resolve solely. It is same with the real world they lived. Therefore,
parents can teach the importance of the law by allowing children to play the
game.
s wisdom to adjust to the real world which not exist in the
academic knowledge. Also, it could help student to have
an optimistic influence on getting rid of stress than devote on their
school work.
Fair (17-23)
첫번째 본문
-두번째 줄 어색합니다. 바꾼대로 써주세요.
-that's 왜 쓰셨는지 모르겠습니다. 문맥상 those 가 어울립니다.
-when I was in
-대소문자 오류 My-->m
-수 일치. parents 복수이므로 was-->were
-to 뒤에 주로 동사 원형옵니다. 따라서 taking-->take
-대소문자 오류 They-->they
-문맥상 과거이므로 goes-->went
-문맥상 과거이므로 hate-->hated
-주어+동사, although 주어+동사 혹은 although 주어+동사, 주어+동사 입니다. 따라서 . 로 끝나지 않고 , 로 이어주세요.
두번째 본문
-won 의 동사형보단 winning의 동명사형이 더 어울립니다.
-and를 넣으셔야 더 자연스럽습니다.
-cannot 붙여씁니다.
-cannot be win 어색한 표현입니다. 그냥 cannot win으로 써주세요.
문법/표현 오류 많습니다. 연습 많이 해주세요.
내용은 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~