▶ Your Answer : Although there is no complete consensus which has been reached on this topic yet I would like to take a stance and make disagreement with the given thesis that today, life is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were young. In order to substantiate my central focal points, I will provide specific reasons and explore the given topic in great detail in this essay.
To begin with, I firmly believe that it is still uneasy for most people to live wealthier and comfortable life comfortably in modern society. Opponents of my perspective claim that since most people have their own house, they don’t need to worry about being starving starved and where to sleep. Accordingly, life became much cozier and easier than that of the past. Proponents of this view mention several points as the rationales for their argument and their argument might have some validity. But after closer look, observation and analysis into their argument would prove inadequate. Much to their surprise, there exists an abundance of examples that calling into question what they claim. Among such examples, an instance that I’m going to describe here can elucidate their incorrect viewpoint. Recently, not different from with the past, some countries in the world have has undergone sort of depression, and price inflation has been continued. These are the serious factors for people which are closely related to their living problem. Moreover, pPeople still need to worry about disbursement for daily necessities such as foods, clothes, etc. This validates my earlier contention that people still don’t really dwell comfortably off even today. The account of mine that I illustrated above is not the only evidence to supply my view. A recent survey conducted by one of the leading educational consulting firms in Korea endorsed my opinion when the survey respondents were asked whether they sided with the opinion that most people think that life became harder because of keen competition or not. A leading education expert claims that recently, unemployment rate has been continuously increased, and it became harder to get a job for young person to get a job, because of high rate of competition. It would become a burden for young people and they obviously feel that life is not easy, still. One thing that can be inferred from the argument that life became much harder than that of the past is young person’s the suicide rate of the young. If they feel it is much easier and comfortable than ever before, it would not be increased.
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that nowadays, there would be some things that are is easier than the past, I strongly believe that life is not really easier than that of the past, according to what I described above. Taking into account all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that it is not true that life is easier and cozier than that of the past.
Comment : 일관성있게 나의 입장을 잘 서술해주신 점이 좋았어요. 다만 글을 전개하는 과정에서 크게 필요없는 부분에 내용이 많이 할애되는 경우(반대편 입장에 대한 서술이 필요 이상으로 길거나, 같은 내용을 반복해서 언급하는 부분)는 감점요인이 될 수 있으니 유의하셔야 할 것 같아요. 같은 표현이 반복되는 부분도 적절한 paraphrasing을 활용해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 주술호응이나 문장 내 수식에서 문법오류가 종종 보이니 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |
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