▶ Your Answer :
There
are some disagreements over whether or not children have the ability to resolve
problems without help thanks to the advanced science and technology. Some
people believe that the improved science and technology can help for children
to overcome their problem independently. My view, however, is that it is
impossible that children solve problems by only relying on the enhanced science
and technology. This is because there is are a myriad of dishonest information too much.
Moreover, children it can be difficult for them to understand the information provided by
the advanced science and technology.
To
begin with, the information is hard to be credible to rely on when children solve the problem. Even though there is a wide
range of knowledge which can act as great help, the information is difficult to
discern whether the knowledge is deceitful or substantiated. Moreover, children
have less the capability to identify which the information is useful for them.
According to the study conducted by a team at Korea University, the researchers revealed that children were often wrong to use the information that they gained
from the internet when they submitted their assignment. This was because
students had a tendency not to make a check an affirmation on the credibility of whether the information is
credible or not. Also, they thought it was hard to judge whether resolve the credibility of
the information is credible or not. As a result, with the difficulties, they received low score
that they were not satisfied with.
In
addition, the information provided by the internet sometimes makes sometimes it difficult
for children to grasp. This is due to the fact that the knowledge is not made
for children, which means that the level of their education is not considered.
Thus, children are it is more helpful when they seek the help from their parents or
friends. It is feasible that children can acquire the information in a quick
manner regardless of wasting time because their parents or friends know about
how children can understand well. For instance, when I was in high school, I
went to the extra mile to utilize the internet to gain the information for my
assignment. However, the information was not applicable for me because the
knowledge was complex and enigmatic to me. To overcome my problem, I had to
seek the help from my parents. My parents explained informed the information easily to
me, which made it possible for me to save my time and complete my assignment
quickly.
To
summarize, children can use the unidentified information, and moreover children they would suffer from the difficulty understanding to understand the information. Considering the
two above reasons, it is evident that the development of science does not
provide children with the opportunity to solve independently.
Comment : 판단력과 해석력 측면에서 입장을 뒷받침한 부분이 아주 좋습니다. 다만 문제에서는 과학기술의 발전을 언급했는데 '인터넷'으로만 범위를 한정짓고 있어서 채점자에 따라서는 off-topic으로 판단할 가능성이 있어요. '인터넷의 정보'로 논점을 좁힐 것이 아니라 과학기술이 많이 발전했지만 '어떤 과학상식과 기술이 자신에게 필요한지 판단하기 어렵고', '과학상식과 기술을 적절하게 이용하기 위한 사용법을 이해하기에 아직 어리기 때문에' 이를 충분히 활용할 능력이 아직 부족하다는 연결로 논조를 다듬으면 훨씬 논제에 부합하는 답이 될 수 있을 것 같아요. 주술호응이 어색한 부분이나 단어 사용이 어색한 부분도 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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