▶ Your Answer :
How often do you go to a public library? According to the a research conducted by the
Board of National Education(BNE), only 14% of citizens
regularly go for to the public
libraries to borrow some books. In other words, it is They are not as fully
functional not as much as the government
intended to do. Also, unlike, national defense, public education, or
public transportation, it is can easily
be substituted. (서론이 아쉽습니다. 어떤 주제를 다루는지 명확하지 않습니다.)
First of all, the advantages of
having public libraries could be replaced by various other organizations as
well as advanced new technologies. This replacement may be
more successful, in terms of its effectiveness. Nowadays, civilian organizations,
such as non-profit organizations or companies, provides similar services
to the general public in order to fulfill academic thirst and facilitates
their use of knowledge. Actually, this new wave turns out to be even more
effective than the traditional role of public
libraries. Personally, I have witnessed that my local public library
had been replaced by a private library. Local neighborhoods had protested, worrying about possible
disastrous results it may bring. However, the
new library operated by large capital have has performed quite well, applying new techniques connecting local people with a mobile application system to provide a number of useful
experiences. The negative effect did not happened; in fact, the whole community became supportive to this change.
This might also be true in this case either, since there are a lot of
resources which can able to replace this
function.
Second, in terms of cost-efficient aspect, reducing the size of
public libraries would bring bigger benefits. The resources put in to this
sector have not been used efficiently by and
large. What I mean was is
that cost of books and maintenance as well as salary
of librarians do not give direct
influence to society, compared to other sectors of the government. According to the a study, conducted by Associated
Committee of
National Government Evaluation (ACNGE), the number of
citizens who have regularly read
books does not have a significant
relationship with their economic productivity. This result shows that the
budget thrown into public libraries are, indeed, inefficient. This lead to the
conclusion indicating the government should deviate from their traditional old
habit of spending, wasting valuable sources in an inefficient sector, but invested it
into real lucrative areas promoting the best of
social benefit.
For these
reasons, I believe that the area of public libraries are is the first area where governmental downsizing should
be made.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
21 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. 서론이 매우 아쉽습니다. 추가적으로 a/the 와 같은 전치사 오류가 많으신 편입니다. |
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