▶ Your Answer : Recently,
generous awareness about whether each person people has have to contribute to improvement of the
environmental problems or not has aroused heated arguments. People,
nevertheless, have conflicting ideas; while some people say that environmental
problems are so sophisticated that it is hard for individuals to do something for
the environmental problems. From my point of view, however, it is more reasonable for
individuals to participate in resolving the environmental problems. Therefore, I disagree
with the statement with the following reasons.
The first and
foremost important reason behind my stand comes from the fact that the earth is
the habitat of individuals and we also have responsibilities to preserve it. As
we have seen from the past, people have been associated were associating with the nature and that it is
impossible to live without the nature. To be specific, the place where we live,
the food we eat, and even the clothes that we wear are all from the resources
of nature. Moreover, we know the fact that by use of these resources, there are
many environmental issues. Therefore, even individuals have to do something to
solve environmental this problems. To give you an idea, here is my friend Amy. When Amy
learned about the extinct crises the polar bears are going through, she made a
club to protect the habitation of polar bears. Thus, individuals should do
something for the habitat we live and be responsible for the problems we are
undergoing. 논제에서는 개인이 '할 수 있는 것이 없다'라고 언급했으므로 개인이 참여해야 하는가/아닌가에 대한 내용이 되면 논점이 어긋나는 답이 돼요. 개인이 기여할 수 있는 부분이 있는지 없는지를 묻는 것이 현재 질문의 요지이므로 그 부분에 집중해서 내용을 풀어주세요. 사례 내용의 경우에도 Amy가 이런 일을 했다고만 설명하는 것이 아니라 Amy가 한 개인적 노력이 실제 실효성이 있는 노력이었다는 것을 보여주는 게 중요해요.
Another equally important
reason is that there are many contributions people can do for the environment.
In the spite of Even though the environmental issues are very complex, there are trivial
tasks and deeds that people can do for the environment. Moreover, there are
many organizations to protect the environment and even there are many deeds for
ordinary people to follow during in their daily lives. To show you one survey
conducted by Korea’s government, less than 30% of families in Seoul do
recycling and disconnect the electric cord when they go out. However, the research To assume explains that if at
least 60% of people do the recycling and disconnect the electric cord, this
would save the environment from the issue of over flowing trashes and excess
electronic uses. This numerical survey result seems to logically back up my
view.
To sum up, although everyone may hold a different position on this issue, I, on the other hand,
strongly support the perspective that individuals can do something for the
environment. The rationale behind this is as follows: 1) Earth is the habitat of
ours and even individuals have responsibilities to preserve it. 2) There and there are
many things people can do. Therefore, I disagree with the statement that
individuals can do nothing since environmental problems are very complex.
Comment : 서론에서 주제와 입장을 명확히 밝히고 본론에서 구체적 설명과 사례를 통해 내용을 차분하게 잘 풀어주신 점이 좋았어요. 다만 본론1에서 제시한 내용은 '가능성'에 대한 내용이 아니라 '당위성'에 대한 내용이기 때문에 주제에서 벗어나는 부분들이 생기니 흐름을 더 다듬어 줄 필요가 있어 보여요. 문장을 연결할 때 적절한 접속사를 활용하는 부분도 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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