▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might think that pursuing realistic aspirations is better than
having ambitious goals in life. (주제 문장 그대로 사용하지 마시고 paraphrase해 주세요) If I have to choose one, I would say that it is
much better to have ambitious goals in life. There are couple of
reasons and examples as follows.
To
begin with, if people only pursue realistic aspirations, a level
of satisfaction with life would be low. To explain, pursuing realistic
aspirations usually requires people to calculate how risky things that they are
supposed to do. In this sense, they are less likely to do something
challenging. As a result, they are always supposed to do something realistic
and stable even if they have a great opportunity to have exciting
experience. I will take my friends' case to illustrate my opinion.
One of my friends, Suzy, was a highly realistic person. She planned to get a
stable job right after graduating a college. She always dedicated a lot of time to get a stable job. On the contrary, the other friend, Arim, was a really ambitious person and had a dream to be a famous travel
writer. Instead of aspiring a job only giving her a chance to earn
some money, she decided to travel around the world and meet many people from all over the world. She is traveling the world until now and writing about
her travel on her blog periodically. When I met Suzy, she
complained about her routine and boring life. However, Arim always told me that she was so happy and thankful that she could have such
a exciting life. (그래서 야망이 있는 사람이 더욱 성공한 인생을 살고 행복감을 느낀다는 결론을 add하여 주장의 신빙성을 더해주세요)
On
top of that, a person with ambitious goals is more likely to have various
experience. He or she will be willing to do anything even though it seems challenging in
order to achieve his or her ambitious goal. Finally, it can lead him or her to be exposed to diverse
experience. A wide range of experience is a key for success. This is because, People can expand their horizon of the world with various experience. For
example, there is a study which was conducted by a group of
sociology majors in Seoul National University. The study shows that a person
with ambitious goals was more likely to experience various things than a person
who pursued only realistic aspirations. The reason for this was that
an ambitious person enjoyed challenging situations more and tended to
put the importance on having various experience, which means that they
regarded it as a valuable one. --> "다양한 경험에 노출될 경우 폭 넓은 안목을 갖추고 현명한 결정을 하는 지혜가 생긴다" 등 좀 더 다양한 경험이 제공하는 merit에 대해 추가적으로 서술해주세요.
To sum up, having ambitious goals gets people to enjoy their lives fully. Moreover, people with ambitious goals are inclined to enjoy a wide range of experience. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is better to have ambitious goals than to pursue only realistic things.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
|
ORGANIZATION
|
PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
|
LANGUAGE USE
|
GRAMMAR
|
GOOD
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
- 이유를 서술하는 데 있어서 문장 간 연결고리/설명/논리가 부족한 부분이 곳곳이 있습니다. 코멘트 읽은 뒤 해당 논리가 미흡한 부분을 보충해주세요. |