▶ Your Answer :
There are two arguments about whether parents should decide their children's future or children should do. In fact, I strongly recommend that it is important for children to make decision for their future by themselves for several reasons.
To begin with, most people argue that it is very important for children to improve a sense of independence for their future. 왜 아이들이 스스로 결정해야 하는지를 드러내는 문장을 전면에 배치해주어야 문제가 요구하는 '설득하는 글'이 될 수 있어요. 뒷부분에 밑줄친 내용(스스로 결정해야 좋은 점)이 앞부분에 먼저 나오는 것이 좋습니다. 대부분의 사람들이 이렇게 생각한다는 내용은 나의 '주장'이 아니므로 별로 중요하지 않습니다. If they make a lot of decisions about their matters, they are more independent in everything. Moreover, when such decisions are repeated, the y will be able to deal with most tasks by themselves and become responsible for what they do . For example, when I was in high school, I had to should choose the university that I would attend. Then, I made my choice instead of asking my parent's opinion. As a result, I could be more independent in many aspects and had have good choices in significant problems, which makes me more satisfied in my life. Therefore, having choices that children want helps them not only become independent but also develop problem-solving skills.
Another point to remember is that making decisions by themselves increase children's their motivation. This is because they could choose decisions that they want and are interested in, which inspires them to put more effort in their tasks. As an illustration, my brother used to be negligent and stressful for his job that parents wanted. However, since he changed his job to a musician, he started to spend more time in works and participated in performance enthusiastically. The reason is that he is very interested and has high passion in music. Thus, children deciding important things such as their jobs helps children them get motivated in their life. In conclusion, it is reasonable to say that children should have decisions about their future.
Comment : 자립심&문제해결력을 기를 수 있고 동기부여를 더 많이 받을 수 있다는 주장들이 모두 좋습니다. 다만 각 본론에서 설명이 피상적이어서 아쉬운 점들이 있었어요. 내용을 더 구체적으로 설명할 수 있는 시간을 확보하면서 연습하신다면 훨씬 좋은 답안이 될 수 있을 것 같아요. 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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