▶ Your Answer :
Whether adopting a pet is good or bad is very
controversial these days. As most of people feel loneliness, they have tendency
to be with someone or something (someone이랑 something에 대해서 좀 더 구체적인 설명이 필요할 꺼 같아요). The choice which the majority chooses is
adopting a pet. Many of people think that adopting a pet will make you people (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 사용하면 안됩니다) happy.
Indeed, there were some people who smiled more compared to the time when they
were alone. However, in my opinion, I strongly think that adopting a pet is
bad. There are the main two reasons that support my opinion.
Firstly, the
cost for adopting a pet is considerable. For the first example, if one is
adopting a dog, the amount of money you people spent for its food and snack is large. You People must spend about 10 million won to buy the fishbowl and food a month. The average
of wage people earn a month is roughly 3 million won. By looking at this situation, it
is almost impossible to spend one-third of living expenses. For the second
example, I saw a certain article. The story was about the rate of people who
run away with their money due to pets increased. These two examples tell me
that adopting a pet is bad as it gives problem in the cost. In conclusion, you
should be responsible for the considerable amount of cost when adopting pets. (예시는 하나만 필요합니다)
Secondly,
adopting a pet disturbs you working. I will give you the first example. Especially,
for the students, they can’t concentrate on their homework as the children pay
attention on to their pets. The pets not only prevent adults from doing the job
but also make the efficiency of studying low. For the second example, it
concerns my real life. I adopted a cute dog in the past. However, my family
determined to send him away to other owner because we realized that she keeps
disturbing me. Unfortunately, my dog was sent away gathering family’s opinion
in the end (이 부분에서는 설명이 더 필요 해요 왜 애완동물을 키운게 작성자에게 안좋은 영향을 주었는지 설명이 더 필요합니다). These two examples demonstrate that adopting a pet disturbs people
doing their works. In conclusion, adopting a pet is bad due to problem
concerned with the efficiency of the works.
In conclusion,
there were the main two reasons why adopting a pet is bad. 0ne is that you will
spend a lot of money for your pet. The second one is you can’t focus only on
your work. Following these reasons, I think that adopting a pet is bad. Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 예시가 너무 많습니다. 한 바디에 2 개의 예시를 드는 것은 적절하지가 않습니다. 하나의 예시로 좀 더 길게 설명하는게 좋을 꺼 같습니다. 또한 각 바디 끝날 때마다 in conclusion을 쓰는건 적절하지가 않습니다. 수고하셨습니다.
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