▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that it is better to eat food at home than to dine out go out to eat. There are obviously many
opinions regarding this topic, but it is clear that eating out is better than dining
in. The concept of a relationship and career shows this theme proves the validity of opinion..
First of all, dinning out is good for
enhancing to enhance family relationships. This is mainly because eating out in a good restaurant
provides family members to build stronger relationship. Unlike having a meal at
home, there is no need for any of family members to spend their time to cook
and the only thing they have to do is just enjoy tasty foods at a nice
restaurant. While they talk together at dinner time, they can become more
understanding about each other understood. This will be so helpful to have closer
relationship. For example, my uncle used to eat out with his wife when they
argue. As he said, no matter how badly they argued, he could make up with her after
dinning out at a nice place. This is because they feel better with tasty food
and become more understanding about each other’s position in a good mood. He
added, if he tried to have dinner at home, he could not have had been reconciled
with her. In this sense, eating out is helpful for people to enhance their
relationship.
In addition, having dinner out is also good
for people’s career. This is due to the fact that if people eat out, they can spend
their time for developing to develop expertise instead of preparing dinner. As modern
society has become increasing increasingly specialized, today’s companies are looking for
employees having such qualities. Therefore, these are important to fight for
jobs in highly competitive labor markets. For instance, my father, the CEO of a
company in Korea often tells me that a job interview typically precedes the
hiring decision. One of employees of my father’s company is the best example
of it. She had been so busy to cook for her family’s meals in the past, but her
life has changed a lot since she started to dine out. As cutting time for preparing
dinner, she could study Japanese and English, and as a result, she could enter
my father’s company in recognition of her foreign language skills. In this sense,
eating out has been helpful for people’s career. 개연성과 연관성이 없어보입니다. 논리적이지 않구요. 다른 이유를 서술하시는 것이 이 에세이에서는 더 좋았을 거 같습니다.
In conclusion, it seems that dinning out is very helpful for people
to build stronger relationship and to strengthen specialty in their career. If
you prefer to dine in than eat out, you cannot get these benefits in your life.
In this point of view, it is clear that eating out is better than eating at
home. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 첫 번째 바디까지는 아주 잘 서술하엿습니다. 첫 번째 바디까지는 독립형 에세이에서 가장 필요했던 부분입니다. 하지만 두 번째 바디가 너무 개연성이 없습니다. 바디의 이유나 예시들이 전혀 주제와 관련이 없는 거 같습니다. 음식을 바깥에서 먹는 것과 좋은 직업을 가질 수 있는 것과의 연관성이 너무 부족해보입니다. 좀 더 구체적인 설명이 필요해보입니다. 이런 것들만 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시면 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |