▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that the most important factor for success in life is getting a university education. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First, there are many factors which are more important than a university education. Second, there are many people who have an unsuccessful life even though they graduated a university.
To begin with, a university education is not the most important factor for successful life. A university has provided people with theological educations rather than practical skills. However, people who have their own business need more practical ones such as compromise skills and good relationships. Let me bring up my aunt’s personal story as an example. My aunt has a famous restaurant. At the first time she just opened her restaurant, she had help from friends and relatives to advertise the restaurant. Of course, she was a good chef, however, if she did not have good relationships with other people, she would have had a hard time to advertise her restaurant and could not have had any fame.
On top of that, it is hard to say that a university education is related to successful life. This is because not everyone who graduated a university has a job that is related to their major as well as has a successful life. According to a research done by Department of National Economy (DNE), only 10% of the respondents have jobs related to their major. Moreover, among them, only 5% of people are included in top 10% of the high-income bracket. This result clearly shows that there is no evidence of a relationship between a university education and people’s success in life.
In conclusion, it is more important to obtain other factors for successful life rather than to get a university education as well as there is no direct relationship between a university education and success in life. In this regard, I firmly believe that getting a university education is not the most important factor for success in life. Good; 24~30 점수: 25 일단 본인의 단락에서 주제에 대한 상관관계를 잘 보여준 거 같습니다. 이 에세이를 읽어가면서 왜 대학 공부보다 다른 것들이 더 중요한 지를 알 수 있었던 에세이였습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 것은 본인의 에세이를 통하여서 상대방을 설득 할 수 있느냐를 가장 크게 봅니다. 이러한 면에 잇어서는 지금 이 에세이는 가장 잘 충족 시키는 거 같습니다. 또한 구체적인 설명들은 이 에세이의 질을 높여줍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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