▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that if they cannot say something nice to someone, it is better not to say anything at all. However, I agree with the opinion. (Which opinion?) There are two reasons. One reason is that there is a less chance of hurting someone's feeling. The other reason is that if I cannot say something nice, I will be ignored by people. (Two sentences sound awkward)
To begin with, there is less option of hurting someone's emotions. (What does it mean?) Suppose that when you speak say something to other people, you firstly look at their refer to other people's poor appearance and say something related with it. Regardless of whether it is intentional or unintentional, this might hurt one's feeling. Would it be possible to recover this moment? The answer will be no. The only key to avoid this situation would be to say carefully. For example, when I was in high school, I used to talk to my friends about soccer players. One day, unfortunately, I criticized the famous soccer player 'Messi' whom my best friend Tom admire and thus my friend Tom was disappointed to my careless words me. However, I decided to talk about Messi's exceptional shooting ability. I could escape from this adverse moment. It became a turning point in my life. Because I always say about something carefully afterward. (Wrong sentence, It needs to be revised)
In addition, if I cannot talk about something well, I will am going to be ignored by people. It is required for people to have great ability that mention something nice to others in this society. (Required?) If you do not have no this ability and try to say something, there will be less place to stand in the world. (Strong voice) Therefore, in order to stand out, we must have this capacity or conceal your weakness. A study conducted by a group of sociologists is a good example of this. The researchers tracked the habits of people who has jobs they want(Job? Habits? What do you want to say?) over a 3 year period in order to find out their difference. What they found was intriguing. The people who get jobs they want usually had a great abilities to say something well comparing to the others or be proficient to hide their poor ability about this. The reasons was that it is important to conceal our weakness or have this ability.
To sum up, the situation to hurt someone's feeling is less. Moreover, I avoid the moment that ignored by others. (Wrong sentence) For these reasons, I firmly believe that my opinion is good for the reasons I mentioned above.
| 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1 | Score | Limited 7-10 | - 입장을 표명하실 때에는, 정확하게 어떤 option사항에 동의하는지 표현해주셔야 합니다. - 문맥에 맞지 않는 단어와, 문장 및 그래머가 맞지 않는 글로 구성이 되어 있습니다.
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