▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, efforts play significant
roles in students’ daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some
people might think that it is more important to give students prizes or awards
for their efforts than results, while others do not. Both sides may have their own
reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that
granting students prizes or awards for their efforts is more important than
evaluating grades. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when students are given
prizes or awards for their efforts, it is more likely to bring about positive
results. Evaluating grades scares students by comparing results with friends, so that they can be being discouraged, and lose losing confidence. On the other hand, giving winnings or
rewards for their trying tends to drive motivation necessary for stellar
achievement, because prizes allow students to get many of the things they want,
including luxury items and the necessities of life. When students have
motivation, they are likely to bring a good result by having more energy to put
into studying and being passionate. For example, when my sister was in high
school, she had to do mathematics homework given by her homeroom teacher on a
daily basis. She had never done homework due to the fear of getting a bad
grade. Fortunately, she changed little by little after her teacher started to
give one dollar for students who tried to finish homework. She saved money for buying a
smartphone she wanted wants by doing mathematics homework every day. She realized that
her diligence for doing homework could help her save a lot of money by
improving her grades, while her laziness could negatively affect her. 숙제에 대한 '노력'이 중심이 아니라 숙제로 돈을 성실히 모았다는 식의 흐름으로 옮겨가기 때문에 논점이 애매해지는 것 같아요. 논제에서 prize, award라는 표현을 사용했지만 꼭 금전적인 보상보다는 학교에서 상을 수여하는 것이나 칭찬하는 개념으로 파악해서 포괄적으로 서술하는 편이 더 적절해보여요. 숙제를 하면 1달러를 주는 것은 그 자체로도 좀 생소하기도 하고, 문제의 본질을 흐리는 느낌이 들어요. As a
result, she was able to see positive results she contributed to by winning a
mathematics contest. Many people around her started to respect her, allowing
her to be confident, optimistic and strong. Without the prizes, she would have
fallen behind.
All things considered, I strongly believe
that providing prizes or awards for students’ trying is more significant than
results for those reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, giving students
prizes or awards for their efforts cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of
success in life.
Comment : 개인적으로 논제 내용을 prize and award를 무조건 금전적 보상으로 놓고 풀기보다는 '상을 주어 칭찬하는 것' 정도로 보는 게 더 좋을 것 같아요. 내용흐름상 학생이 돈을 모으는 것에 초점이 가면 '결과보다 노력에 대해서 보상을 주는 것'에 대한 초점이 흐려질 수 있어요. 학생이 낸 결과보다 노력 자체를 높이 치는 것이 왜 중요한지를 보여줄 수 있게끔 내용을 더 발전시켜보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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