▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe
that it is better for people to have specialize in one specific subject rather
than to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects. However, I personally
disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. This is due to the
fact that having broad knowledge of many academic subjects enables people to
strengthen interpersonal skills and enjoy a better quality of life.
** 단어 사용의 폭이 매우 좁습니다; 주제단어 그대로 사용 지양하시고 동의어/유의어 충분히 활용하여 paraphrase 해 주세요
First
of all, having broad knowledge enables people to strengthen interpersonal
skills. Understanding the daily social environment of people and the potential role of
the broad knowledge is necessary to substantiate this view. For instance, I
engaged in a variety of studies during my university. In addition to my major,
I was interested in studying diverse area such as philosophy and biology. This
was extremely useful in helping me to build interpersonal skills for later
years in society. In one situation, I was joyfully continued talking with my
clients who had majored in philosophy after meeting. I found some common
thoughts with my clients through our interesting knowledge on philosophy, and
I have done keep in remaining was able to maintain better quality of conversation. Also, my bosses were pleased
to listen to my opinions on current events reported in
newspaper subjects related to biology that were on news. subject. In this regard, I learned that having broad knowledge of many
academic subjects allows people to strengthen interpersonal skills. ("다양한 지식은 때로는 새로운 대화의 창을 열어주고 다양한 사람들과의 공감대를 형성해주며 대화에서 호기심을 자아낼 수 있어 대화를 이어가는 데 다양한 topic의 바탕이 되기도 한다"는 세부설명을 예시 이전/이후에 넣어 주제에 대한 본인 입장을 강화해주세요")
Moreover,
having broad knowledge enables people to enjoy a better quality of life. Interestingly,
a renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article in “The Korean
Herald” last Tuesday which claims that having broad knowledge makes people to
improve competitiveness in society. (경쟁 정도를 improve한다는 것이 어떻게 삶의 질을 높이는지에 대한 연관성에 있어 설명이 부족합니다) The article added claims that 62 percent of
200 Korean leading recruiters prefer people who have various knowledge of
academic subjects. Recruiters show such a tendency because these applicants with broad knowledge on diverse subjects tend to be more
creative and analytical. In the long run, creativity and analytical thinking
enhance work performance, and people can combine various knowledge with their
works, which results in outstanding benefits for their companies.
Therefore, this results in job promotes and consequently help people to enjoy a
better quality of life. I thought this report because the results of the survey
resonated with my thoughts. (여기서는 better quality of life가 focus 가 아닌 '직업 시장에서 경쟁력 있는 인재가 되는 데 있어 broad knowledge가 도움이 된다는 점'이 focus가 되어야 합니다. better quality of life = too broad합니다)
To
sum up, I believe that having broad knowledge of academic subjects is better
than specializing in one specific subjects for the following reasons:
strengthening interpersonal skills and enjoying a better quality of life.
Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the
reasons I have mentioned.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
|
ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
GOOD
|
GOOD
|
각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
- 주제에 대한 이유 속 logic을 점검하고 예시/세부설명을 보충하면 더욱 좋은 글이 될 수 있습니다. |