■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? children should have art and music as mandatory school subjects along with math, history, science, and language. (토플 초보입니다. 괜찮으시면 디테일한 문법 오류도 같이 봐주실 수 있으시나요? 감사합니다..ㅠ) |
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, art and music subjects play (주어 동사 불일치) significant roles in people’s daily lives in the many of the places where they work and play. Some
people think that children should not (줄임말 사용을 지양해주세요.) be forced to study art and music while
others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons for their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that children should focus on art and music as much as other
subject. There are several reasons and examples as follows.
To begin with, (대소문자 구분) studying music and art will help children cultivate important qualities for life. It makes them to be a less stressful
and increase their overall happiness. When such feelings are fostered, it is
likely to bring to better result them needed for success.nFor example, my youngest brother did well. He has hectic
schedule of reviewing all subjects such as math, science, history, doing
homework and studying for exam. So he was able to excel all throughout A’s
grades in his school. Even though he did well for his academic performance, he was
stressed and rarely did activities and ignored the art and music. However,
he has changed little by little after joining art program that opened in his school.
He realized that his creativity helped him be less stressful, while his laziness
could negatively affect his mental in life. After he maintained good behavior by raising
his grade. (A에서 더 올라갈 학점이 있나요? 대비를 주려면 art and music 전에는 힘들었고 성적도 안 좋았다. 라는 식이 더 좋을 거 같습니다) Actually, he showed characteristics of a longer attention span for his task
and stronger passion. In addition, he was able to refresh himself, recharge encourage
and relieve stress. By doing this, He was able to let off his some steam. As a modern
society is becoming competitive and specialized, math and science are considered as important
subject, but they will need a mental health effectively. (여기가 무슨 말인가요?) Role of education has
changed. Without this experience, he would have fallen behind in his class.
In summary, I
agree with the opinion that children should have art and music as mandatory school
subjects along with math, history, science, and language. This is because
studying art and music increase happiness and make students less stressful.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 내용을 떠나서, 문법이 굉장히 불안정합니다.
아직은 에세이는 접어두시고,
문장 단위로 영작 연습을 꾸준히 해주시는 것을 추천합니다.
3. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*