▶ Your Answer :
I think reviews from online communities can affect our shopping life in many ways. (주제단어 그대로 사용 지양하시고 paraphrase 해 주세요) When we buy something first of all, we search for other people's review. And Searching others' opinion about things became a big part of our shopping lives. (구체적인 이유라고 보기 어렵습니다)
First, we can see how it looks like and how convenient it is. We can see real appearance of the goods we are going to purchase through the pictures that bloggers took themselves. We can even find out that it looks more smaller than what we thought or bigger. It is common situation to see people assuming that clothes they buy like it will perfectly fit to them when they purchase some clothes; however, it turns out that it is either shorter or longer than they expected. In this case, seeing pictures and listening opinion of other people online will give them an appropriate expectation before buying something. - 주장하고자 하는 argument가 정리가 되지 않았습니다; 실제적인 상품을 블로그를 통해 볼 수 있는 점이 이점이라는 것을 먼저 작성한 뒤에 세부 내용을 작성해주세요. 또한 이를 뒷받침할 수 있는 구체적인 예시를 적어주세요. Second, unlike the information from advertisement, bloggers assure us that it is really good or not (they provide reviews with honesty). Some bloggers took the money from company for advertising but others don't. (본인의 주장을 강화하는 데 도움이 되지 않는 문장입니다) We can expect appropriate quality of product and know how really useful it is. For example, suppose that If a person buys a product without searching online, he or she can face Although it is easily broken it is hard to refund or even i can refund, it is some exhausting situation which people want to avoid; often, it is hard to change or return them after the purchase. Instead of it, just googling before buying the product make the person know the real information in advance of the purchase. expected situations. Bloggers wrote their life time experiencing about the product, and I can gain information that I want and i can find it's along with the disadvantages easily by this. Lastly, it gave us a lot of information about things what we cannot think without searching from online. Bloggers can easily teach how we should use it. These bloggers can teach us how useful products are. At the end, it makes us buy that things. For instance, I did not know the existence and the way to use wireless bluetooth earphone and also i didn't know they exist. However, when I saw the blog about that, I needed it for my convenience and wanted to buy that. Finally, it comes out true and I use it well until now. 2nd & 3rd paragraph 모두 주장하고자 하는 바에 대한 clear한 이유라고 보기 어려우며 정리되지 않은 내용이 무작위적으로 나열되어 있습니다. 기초적인 Spelling 도 실수가 많습니다. 단순한 문장구조 또한 실수가 반복적으로 나타나고 있습니다 (And를 문장 앞에 사용하는 등) To sum up, unlike recommendation from friends and information from magazines, reviews from online communities give us more useful information about product. Nowdays, it became very common method which is used before shopping. (주제에 대한 본인의 주장/이유가 전혀 요약이 되어 있지 않습니다)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- clear 한 이유 (제품에 대한 정직한/ 솔직한 정보를 얻는다, 실제적인 사용 팁을 얻을 수 있다 등)를 문단 시작 앞에 먼저 소개한 뒤 이에 대한 구체적/논리적인 세부 설명 + 맞는 예시를 작성해주세요. |