▶ Your Answer : A variety
of options may exist over the argument
about the importance of the ability to cooperate with others in the past and today.
However, my standpoint on the statement
is that the cooperation in the past was is
more important than today. The following two examples can be valid evidence of my view. First, in the past, manpower was crucial for their living. Second,
a social tradition of cooperation is changed to working work individually.
To start with, the physical labor in the past
needed a lot of manpower. This led leads people in the past to work cooperatively. Thus, at that time, the ability
of cooperation was vital. A traditional
life of family can be a good example. At
that time, family members usually divided their work. The father went may go out to
work for such as hunting and the mother worked near the house to cook and take care of their offspring because each of these tasks
needed skills. However, for these days' day's
people, it is not essential to cooperate with their
family members because they have micro-wave oven macro-oven and washing machine and so on.
On top of that, the social tradition is altered. The social tradition in the past required leads people to work with others as a circle
such as a guild. Therefore, for people in the past, the ability to socialize and working cooperatively were are necessary. However, in these days,
no one pushes us to cooperate. We can
work individually. 현대사회에서 개인적으로 충분히 일할 수 있고 협동이 과거에 비해 많이 필요하지 않다는 점을 보여주는 사레를 보완해주세요.
To sum up, in the past, manpower was is essential for their living
so the ability to cooperate was crucial.
Also, social environment pushed pushes them to work cooperatively
in the past. In this regards , I side with
the perspective that ability to cooperate is has become
alleviated nowadays.
Comment : 과거에 비해 오늘날 협동의 중요성이 덜하다는 점을 각각 과거 특징과 현대의 특징으로 제시하면서 설명한 부분이 좋았어요. 다만 주장을 뒷받침할 사례가 불충분하다는 점이 아쉽습니다. 시간 배분에 신경쓰셔서 두 본론에서 모두 적절한 사례로 논지를 강화할 수 있게끔 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 과거와 현대를 대비하는 문제에서는 시제 표현이 중요하니 과거 시제 활용하는 부분 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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