▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, spending money plays a
significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work
or play. Some people think that people spend too much money on pets though there
are many other things money ought to should be spent on, while others do not believe this way. Both sides may
have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would
say that spending money for their pets is needed. There are several reasons as
follows.
To
begin with, taking care of a pet allows people to improve their sense of
responsibility. Looking after a pet requires required them to feed, bathe, and clean up.
When such obligations are fulfilled, it is likely to bring about a better
result. (Specify good result in what area?) For example, my youngest brother used to be lazy and selfish. However,
he has changed little by little after he started taking care of his pet. The dog
costs more than 500 dollars, but he learned valuable lessons through raising
his dog. He realized that his punctuality in feeding his dog could help it stay
healthy, while his laziness could negatively affect the dog. Naturally, he
became more prompt with time, played his part better, (What is it?) and even sheltered other
abandoned or orphaned animals. Without this experience, he would still have
been irresponsible.
On
top of that, when people use a myriad of money for pets, it will help them
cultivate important qualities needed for success. Looking after a pet enables
people to relax and recharge their batteries. When people are recharged, they
are likely to have more energy to put into working and being active. For
instance, Seoul National University found a huge difference between two groups
of young adults. One group consisted of those who spend more than 300 dollars
every month for their dogs such as buying dogs’ clothes, and the other group
was made up of those who use less than 30 dollars every month for their dogs. The
researchers found that the former was more likely to have a high score on the
SAT than the latter. This is because people who spent spend a lot of money on their
pets could be more comfortable with their pets and concentrate on their works
better. In particular, many of the first group showed a longer attention span,
a stronger passion in their tasks and a better ability to delay gratification. On
the other hand, most of the second group tended to get distracted easily,
procrastinate and act on impulse. This implies that taking care of a pet is the
key to success, academically as well as professionally. If people save their
money rather than spend it for their pets, they would fall behind.
All
things considered, the advantages of spending a plethora of money for their animals
far outweigh those of saving money for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in
all, the importance of investment for their pets cannot be overestimated in
life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 16-19 | - A myriad of 는 ~무수한, 을 뜻하는 단어로, 다소 문맥상 어울리지 않는 단어입니다.
- 두 번째 내용은 template을 대부분 사용하셨는데, 논지와 예시가 적절히 부합하지 않습니다. 무엇보다도 예시는 얼마만큼 pet에 돈을 쓰는지에 대한 실험이었는데, 이와 성공적인 요소는 어떻게 연관시킬 수 있을까요? 관련성을 높여주셔야 합니다.
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