▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, sports play a significant role in people's daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people might think that enjoying sports has a positive influence on them, while others do not believe this way. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that it is very beneficial in many ways. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, playing sports can improve people's work performance. When they play sports together, it requires them to be more diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result in work. (Good point) For example, according to a study conducted by Seoul National university in 2008, two groups of adults showed a tremendous difference in work performance. One group consisted of those who played the soccer game once a week over 10 years, and the other group was made up of those who did not any sports and group exercise. The researchers found that most of the former group people had better relationships with their companions. In particular,the first group was likely to be friendly, kind to others, and considerate. On the other hand, the second group tended to be selfish, narrow-minded, and greedy. This implies that playing sports is the key to having a good relationships. Without sports, one would fall behind.
In addition, when people spend time on sports, they can relieve their stress. Playing sports enables them to relax and recharge their batteries. When they are recharged, they can lavish more of their energy on what they are doing. For example, when my brother was in high school, he often felt depressed thinking that his life became an exhausting thing. To survive in a competitive world, he spent the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that he could outdo others. Although he made a constant effort, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard as he was. Fortunately, he was able to deal with such pressure and stress by playing a tennis. By doing so, he was able to stay let off some steam.
All things considered, I strongly believe that playing sports teaches us valuable lessons in life for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of taking a rest cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of happiness in life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 4 | Score | Good 21-23 | - 비교, 대조군이 다소 극적인 면이 있지만 sports의 주요 포인트를 잘잡으셨어요. Sports를 즐기는 그룹이 sports의 어떤 면때문에 social, friendly하게 바뀌었는지 이 부분에 대해 보다 상세히 설명을 해주시는 것이 좋습니다.
- 두 번째 내용은 템플릿을 대부분 옮겨쓴거라, idea&contents 면에서 다소 감점사항이 있을 수 있습니다.
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