▶ Your Answer : 문장마다 줄바꿈을 하는 것이 아니라 서론/본론/결론으로 묶어서 정리해주세요.
We can see people with various positions in the workplace. workpace. In my opinion, being an the employee is better than the a boss. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following. 하나의 문단으로 정리해주세요. To begin with, the boss has a lot of burden. Typically, the boss has to do more work and more important projects in the company, and if the person makes a mistake, the person gets more blamed than others. In my workplace, for instance, if the general employees emplyees make a mistake, they were are just simply scolded by only by his colleagues or bosses, but if the boss makes a mistake, there is was a big damage to his image. 하나의 문단으로 정리해주세요. Secondly, the boss gets a lot of attention from many people. The higher the position of a company one has, the more greater the number of people who know the boss, which makes him or her and meet many people. By doing that, many people have a lot of interest in their the speech and privacy of the boss. In the company, we can easily see employees talking about their bosses. But the story is only bout the appearance of the boss of the workplace and or bad words about speech and privacy. In the fact, the boss does not fit well with other employees because of these problems and has a lot of stress.
결론문단 만들어주세요.
Comment : 형식 면에서 완성된 형태의 글이 될 수 있도록 서론/본론/결론을 잘 나누어서 구성해주세요. boss자리에서 느낄 수 있는 안좋은점들을 제시해서 입장을 일관성있게 피력한 부분이 좋았습니다. 본론2에서도 본론1의 '부담이 많다'처럼 '단점'으로 꼬집어 말할 수 있는 main idea를 명확히 제시할 수 있도록 내용을 더 정리해주면 좋을 것 같아요. 각 본론의 설명과 사례 내용도 더 구체화해주신다면 더 좋은 글이 될 수 있을 것으로 보입니다. 수일치 관련 문법표현 유의해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |