■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :
Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have? -smart -cheerful -considerate
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that person who is cheerful or considerate is the best friend since he/she will be good for your mental health. However, I prefer to have smart friends to live for the following several reasons: self-development and success in the future. To begin with, intelligent friends allow me to develop on my own. What I mean is that unlike cheerful people, smart people manage their lives strictly. I respect this aspect, so they will be my role models. Also they will be my motivator, stimulating me to make my life be more developed life. As a rule of thumb, for example, when I was in high school, I had a friend who was the first grade in whole school. She had strict daily time schedule (새로운 문장으로 시작해주세요) for instance, she went to gym every 6a.m. and she read at least one book a week. I thought her regular schedule made her great grade, so I decided to follow her plan. I started to go to gym and to work out three times a week on average. As a result, my physical health improved, also I got better grade. On top of that, having clever friends plays a significant role in success in the future. It is obvious that intelligent individuals have detailed future plan and various information and knowledge, allowing being success, but considerate people do not. Moreover, they will share crucial information with friends. For instance, when I was in university, my friend, Suzy who took academic scholarship in all semesters, was made job club. Before I participated in the job club, I had difficult time to find information related to the Samsung Medical Center, where I really wanted to be hired. However, after I joined in the club, I was able to get a variety of information since Suzy knew how to get valuable data, for example by interviewing with alumni who worked in SMC. Consequently, Suzy and I were successful in getting a job to get a job what we wanted. To sum up, getting brainy friends has diverse advantages, such as improving one’s lifestyle and being successful. In this regard, I firmly believe that having a smart friend is a better (비교급) choice than having a cheerful or considerate friend.
예상점수도 부탁합니다. 감사합니다. |
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1. 첫 번째 문단의 for instance, she went to gym every 6a.m. and she read at least one book a week.
이 부분은 intelligent와는 거리가 멀어 보입니다.
부지런한 것과 똑똑한 것은 다르니까요.
조금 더 토픽에 집중하셔서 에세이를 작성해주세요.
2. 문장이 전체적으로 굉장히 길고 늘어지는 감이 있습니다.
가독성도 떨어지고 문법 오류의 위험도 크니 컴마와 연결어 (특히 and)
사용을 서서히 줄이시면서 문장을 짧고 간결하게 유지해주세요.
긴 문장이 항상 좋은 것은 아닙니다!
3. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*