■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :Do you agree or disagree with the following
statement? One’s job is more important for happiness than one’s personal
relationships. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
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▶ Your Answer :Some people think that one’s personal
relationships are more important than one’s job. However, in my opinion, one’s job
is more significant for happiness than one’s personal relationships. There are
two reasons. First, work takes up the biggest part of people’s lives. Second, a
successful career leads to higher income.
To begin with, job comprises the most
enormous part of people’s lives. Nowadays because of technological development,
people spend most of their time at working. A recent survey showed that a (관사 필요) person
has to use their time working for living. According to the study, average person
spends 8 hours per day working but only 36 minutes with family. It means that we live (동사의 형태) in high-tech period so that we must consider our job important, or we will
face hardship about our survival. Naturally we do not have time for having with
family. Due to the fact that I have been working at company everyday in weekdays, when I come back home I feel exhausted. Therefore, I need some relax. It is hard
to take care of (전치사 필요) others.
On top of that, a successful career leads
to higher income. People are laid on highly competitive situation, so financial
issues are among the leading causes of stress. A recent study showed that
relationship between incomes and happiness. According to the survey, people
with higher incomes are happier than others. As you know, we can buy something
with money. Imagine that you do not have enough money. You do not something
like hobby. I have hobby which is golf. Golf requires lots of money. It needs
many golf clubs and lesson fee about my posture. If I do not afford to this, I
do not my hobby that makes me happy and that can relieve my stress. (이 전체가 연결된 느낌이 없고 뚝뚝 끊깁니다. 연결어를 많이 사용해주시고 전달을 더 깔끔하게 해주세요.)
To sum up, work takes up the biggest part
of people’s lives and a successful career leads to higher income. In this
regard, I strongly believe that it is more important for happiness to have job
than obtain personal relationships. |
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
특히 관사와 전치사 사용에 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*