▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might say that caring for a pet is good at education for a child.good way for children to learn responsibility. However, in my opinion, this is not helpful for a child to learn
responsibility. This is because of two reasons. First of all, kids can get
stress rather than responsibility by being with pets. Secondly, to improve this
ability, they should spend more time with human friends.
To
begin with, caring for their pets gives children the sense of losing. This is
because most of animals’ life spans are shorter than people. When their lovely
pets died, lots of children get shocked and they are deeply depressed. They
felt extreme sadness about their efforts to take care of their pets were disappeared
and did not necessary at all. So they gave up on being responsible to others. I
will give my personal experience as an example. One of my friends had a black cat
for 7 years. She really loved him. As soon as after school, she went back to her
house rightly to play with him. But sadly, the cat was died because of illness,
although he got many operations. She fell into deep sorrow and lost her all
enthusiasm. She was not able to concentrate on her school work what she had to
do, too. Until now, she cannot escape from that sadness.
On
top of that, the responsibility to their pets is not helpful in the real world
with human. As you know, animal is different with human. In the future, the
children should get along with diverse people in the society. The attitude for
animal cannot be applicable to human. So they have to invest their limited time
more effectively by intimidating with people rather than pets. For instance,
the research was conducted by the Korean board of education to determine the
best way to spend children’s weekends for their future. The researchers tracked
two groups of elementary school students’ life style. The kids of the first
group spend most of their time with pets in the weekends. However, the second
group consisted of those who played with their friends and family. What they
found was intriguing. When they became adult, the children who were in the
latter group were more sociable than the former group. Also, they did their own
tasks more completely. By meeting various people, they was able to learn how to
understand and respect others’ opinion and they realized that they must do
their work well to not violate others’ rights.
To sum
up, the experience with pets when they were young lets them be sad and take
away the chances to be with their human friends. In this regard, I strongly
believe that caring for a pet is not a good way to improve kids’
responsibility.
주장도 깔끔하고, 이에 따른 supporting detail도 아주 잘 작성해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 가독성도 좋은 편이며, 문법 오류가 조금씩 있긴 하지만 큰 정도는 아닙니다. 다만 한문장 한문장이 조금 짧은 편이 속하며, 같은 문장형식이 반복되다 보니 조금은 지루해진다는 감이 보이는 거 같습니다. 문장형식을 바꾸고, 이에 따라 어휘나 문법도 다양하게 쓴다면 더 좋을 거 같습니다 |