▶ Your Answer : Today, many people think that television has more effect on human society than Internet does. However, in my opinion, Internet more affect on people than television. There are some reasons why I think so. To begin with, people can get connected to Internet easily. We can use Internet to see news or dramas whenever we want to. To be specific, invention of cellphone allow to utilize Internet regardless of place and time. Every morning, we can see people who use Internet through cellphone during going to the work. Especially It is the reason many people can connect to Internet easily to support free-wifi in many places. on the other hand, if you want to watch the program what is you want to, you check the time and be punctual. Today, It is difficult to person who are very busy. therefore simply connecting is very important factor to increase influence of the Internet. On top of that, information is convey can be conveyed more effectively on the Internet. Because anyone can post information, there are many materials. The study surveyed by our goverment shows that current people get information on the Internet as much as other methods. Even if people can know happenings which cause on the other country right now. Many social network make it possble. In addition student find information for their assignments on the Internet which contains enormous materials what they need. To sum up, when people use the Internet, they can connect easily and get many information. In this regard, I believe the Internet has greater influence on human society than television does.
의미를 이해할 수 없는 문장들이 꽤 됩니다. 주장이 strong하지 않고, 이에 대한 supporting detail들도 자세하지 않은 것 같습니다. 우선, 시제나 수동태와 같이 기본적인 문법 오류가 굉장히 많아 표현력에 있어서 아쉽습니다. 문장 쓰기 연습이나 cnn같은 formal한 writing많이 읽으시면 도움 될 것 같습니다.
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