Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Being happy with one's job is more important than receiving a high salary. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
These days, the term 'materialism' is prevalent all over our society. A number of people crave for jobs that offer high salary, a number of people shift their job to a position that provides provide more money without hesitation, and a number of people work days and nights only to receive a few dollars more. However, I strongly believe that people's job satisfaction is the most important factor when choosing jobs, even compared to the amount of salary people get. There are two reasons for the belief. First, people can be happy with their lives as well if they are satisfied with their job. Second, people can ultimately get more money in the long run.
To begin with, people can also be contented with their entire lives if they are happy with their own jobs. People who are satisfied with their work regard their work as a way of enjoying. They work simply because it is interesting and funny. Therefore, it is hard for them to get stress from their work unlike most of the people today. Their faces are always full of rife with smiles, which makes make them more likely to be optimistic, hopeful and confident. Consequently, their positive minds enable them to be happy with their entire lives, not only with their work but also with their family lives, leisure lives and so on. Gaining satisfaction is one of the ultimate goals for people living in the world, and it will just do the job. 직업에서의 만족이 삶의 만족으로 이어질 수 있다는 부분을 지적한 것이 좋습니다. 필요 이상으로 구체화된 부분들은 오히려 논점을 흐릴 가능성이 있으니 내용을 검토하면서 3-5문장 정도로 논증 내용을 간결하게 다듬어보셔도 좋을 것 같습니다. To illustrate, there was a research studying the relation between job satisfaction and life satisfaction. Unsurprisingly, it revealed that people (who are) more satisfied with their work are far more likely to be satisfied with their lives than ones who aren’t, 24% more to be exact. This research indicates that being satisfied with their work have influence a lot more profoundly on people than it seems, which allows people to be happy in their entire lives. 적절한 내용의 예증 자료입니다.
Secondly, people satisfied with their job tend to earn more money over the long haul. There is a famous saying that 'people who are smart cannot win ones who are diligent, and people who are diligent cannot win ones who enjoy'. This is because people who love their work tend to spend more time and effort on work than ones who don't. Moreover, the efficiency tends to be higher because they do the job spontaneously. Therefore, the outcome and the accomplishment people made tend to be greater, which often allows them to receive more money as a result of their effort. For example, Bill Gates, one of the richest people over the globe, is the one who enjoys enjoy his work. He rejected to live a stable life that allows him to receive high salary. He quit from Harvard voluntarily to pursue the goal he desired. Even though 쉼표삭제 the job provided him with little money, he was satisfied with his work and invested more time and effort than any other person. After numerous years, he eventually attained his goal which was is to make the computer accessible to normal people. At last, he is now the person who earns and has the most much money. This example shows that when we should expect the result in the long term, people who are contented with their work will eventually earn more money than ones who aren't. 성과에 대한 보상이 모두 '돈'으로 이루어지는 것은 아니기 때문에 '결국 더 많은 돈을 번다'라는 점을 일반화해서 설명하기는 어려울 것 같아요. 자신의 커리어를 잘 쌓음으로써 돈이나 지위, 명예 등의 '성취'가 따라온다는 식으로 생각해보는 것도 좋겠습니다.
To sum up, in the nowadays world full of belief 'materialism' nowadays, I strongly believe that the amount of salary should not be the only factor when comparing or choosing the job. What I believe is that, satisfaction should be regarded more important, due to the fact that it can allow people to be happy with their whole lives and the fact that it enables people to earn more money in the long run.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–30)
논제에 대한 이해도가 높고 전반적인 글의 흐름이 짜임새있게 연결되어 있다는 점이 좋습니다. 필요 이상으로 구체적인 내용들을 다듬어서 '단계적 구성'이 잘 드러나도록 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 글을 검토할 채점 기준을 생각하면서 채점자 입장에서 검토하시면 실전 대비에 많은 도움이 됩니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!