Financial loans between friends can harm or damage the friendship.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether financial loans between friends harm the friendship. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on individuals’ perspectives. In my opinion, I am complete in agreement with the statement that loaning financially between friends has negative impact on their friendship for two major reasons as follows.
First off, loans borrowed from friends are not taken seriously compared to the same situation in business. This is due to the fact that if people make a loan from their friends, people usually do not think they are obligated to pay it back as soon as possible because there are not any written documents or certain rules to be kept. On the contrary, in business situation, both lenders and borrowers agree agreed to create legal documents which contain a lot of provisions to be kept. In this context, the friend who borrowed money from the other another friend might neglect to turn the money back and this might damage their friendship. 친구들 사이에는 돈거래가 심각하게 여겨지지 않는다는 점은 '우정을 해치는 이유'보다는 '친구들 사이에 돈을 잘 갚지 않게 되는 이유'에 가깝습니다. 단순히 돈을 갚지 않으면 우정이 깨진다는 전제사항을 두고 풀어내면 문제가 묻는 내용과 거리가 생길 수 있습니다. 논제에 대한 답변이 될 수 있도록 idea를 더 발전시켜보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 돈거래 자체가 우정에 해를 끼친다는 점을 설명하기 위해서는 '우정'에 기반이 되는 요소들에 초점을 두는 것이 좋습니다. 예를 들어 친구들 사이의 '신뢰'를 깨서 우정에 해를 입힌다거나 body2처럼 둘 사이에 '갑/을관계가 형성돼서 편하게 대하기 어려워진다'하는 식으로 우정 자체와 연관된 요소를 보여줄 수 있지요. The best example to illustrate this point is my personal story when I was in college. At that time, one of my close friends was is in trouble because of a financial problem and asked me to borrow money. I trusted our friendship and I was so sure that he would give the money back soon, so I agreed to lend him money. However, after that, whenever I encountered him in school, he avoided me and did not want to return it making an excuse of our close friendship. I was so disappointed by this kind of his irresponsible attitude and finally our relationship was over. As seen in this case, financial transactions between friends might destroy one’s friendship. 사례 내용 역시 idea를 발전시키면서 함께 다듬어주세요.
Furthermore, making loans between friends can change their relationship from horizontal one to vertical one. To be specific, in usual business situation, a lender is one who has a right to ask to return their money and a borrower is one who needs to seek for help. Therefore, in reality, it is normally considered that a lender has power and a borrower is on a weak side. If this applies to friends’ relationships, horizontal relationships of friends change to vertical one. 적절한 idea와 설명입니다. 우정은 둘 사이가 대등해야 유지된다, 하는 식으로 전제사항을 언급해주는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. According to the research conducted by the Ministry of Workforce in Korea regarding loans between friends, two thirds of respondents answered that they are reluctant to make financial exchanges between friends because it might ruin their relationship. More surprisingly, it is revealed that the main reason they answered like this was because borrowers feel sorry and guilty to their friends lending money. Like this, relationship between friends might be awkward if they are involved financially.
For the reasons stated above, I firmly believe that financial transactions between friends damage their relationship.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair - Good (22–25)
전반적인 구성이나 흐름은 잘 잡혀 있습니다. body1에서 논제가 묻는 내용과 살짝 어긋날 수 있는 부분들을 바로잡아주시고, 주장을 강조할 수 있는 부분들 참고하셔서 improve해주시면 될 것 같아요. 논제에 대한 답변이 될 수 있는 부분인지 꼼꼼하게 확인하면서 시간 여유 두시고 작성하시면 대마왕님은 실전에서도 충분히 좋은 점수 받으실 수 있을 거예요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!