I prefer doing multiple projects at the same time to completing just one.?( 문장이 부자연 스럽습니다. prefer what? 정확히 명시해 주세요. 첫문장에서 ! ) Tasks become easier when they are broken into smaller ones. Trying to ceaselessly finish a big project is ineffective. Moreover, it would be dangerous when the unique project is interrupted someday.
(dangerous 나 someday? 단어 선택이 적절치 못합니다.)
First and foremost, dealing with just one project makes the worker very tired. He would feel bored soon, since he should has to do similar works for a long time. That is not efficient, as the duration of human’s concentration is limited, thus the completeness of the project lowers. There must be some leaking of time and attempt somewhere in the procedures. If the project is split to smaller pieces and accompanied with parts of other projects, the loss of time and labor will be diminished. Also, there would be less pressure to the worker. For example, when I prepare for my course tests, I feel depressed if I have to study just one subject to the end. Moreover, I don’t have enough time left to work on other subjects
( 예시 들이 분산되어 보입니다. human concentration과 depressed 된다는 본인의 예 , 한가지 예로 깊이 파고 들어 주세요 )
In addition,operating a variety of pieces to be operated could lower the risk danger of failure. We don’t know how our future would change. What can we do if the result of a project goes bad, provided that just one big project is focused? This means that the worker loses too much, even everything, when the only one project breaks down. This shows the importance of some spare pieces to work on. To illustrate, I’d show an example of companies doing some sales promotion events. Companies usually launch various sale events simultaneously. Although consumers don’t like a company’s lipsticks, they may like the company’s hand lotions. Thus the company doesn’t become bankrupt easily( 역시나 ..예시가 적절치 않습니다)
There is a way of problem solution, says ‘Divide-and-Conquer’, in Computer Science. This means a large, complex problem can be solved easily and effectively, when divided into smaller simple pieces. Projects also should be split, and considered at the same time. That would help workers concentrate well, thus the projects finish successfully and efficiently (intro 와 conclusion, 정리하고 아이디어를 응집하는것은 좋으나 body에서 언급했던 소주제들을 sum-up해서 정리하듯 끝마무리 해주세요 좀더 일목요연하게 보일수 있습니다. )
-
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점) 논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task 적절한 설명 appropriate explanation 적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details 일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence 다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety 적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
-문법 오류가 많으면 내용 전달력이 떨어집니다. 수일치, 태, 품사활용 등에 유의하면서 문법 오류를 체크해주세요 -예시 주실때 한가지에 focus해서 idea를 정리해 주세요 -한문장 한문장 씩 써보는 연습해주세요 . 자연스럽게 문단이 구성 될 수 있도록 수고 하셨어요 ! |