The lecturer argues that telecommuting does give negative effect on employers and employee. This goes against the reading passage’s claim that telecommuting brings many advantages to employee and employees.
First of all, the lecturer asserts that employees would lose money when they decide their work system change to work-at-home system. This is because employees tend to take excess break and do other things while on the clock since there is no body monitor them. This contradicts the reading passage’s claim that employer save money in real estate since they have to hire fewer employees. ( 뒷받침 하는 문장들을 좀 더 focus 해주세요. monitor 와 save money 는 ???)
On top of that, the lecturer claims that employees are also what? need verb negative effect by telecommuting. In fact, employees would suffer from depressed since they don’t have interaction with others except his(their) family. Moreover they would feel stressed a lot since they might feel there is no separation between working and relax from home. These points contradict the reading passage’s claim that employee would enjoy a number of benefit from telecommuting. (역시 뒷받침하는 문장들이 이것 저것 분리되있습니다. 하나로 몰아서 ! support해주세요 )
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점) 논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task 적절한 설명 appropriate explanation 적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details 일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence 다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety 적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity |
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited - Fair (16–22)
-문법 오류가 많으면 내용 전달력이 떨어집니다. -문장을 뒷받침할때 ( 즉 주장에대해 뒷받침 할때 ) 좀 더 focus해서 주장을 뒷받침 하는 연습이 필요 합니다. -각 body에서 전하고자 하는 내용이 더 명확해지도록 정돈해주세요
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