Some people disagree with the statement that most experiences in our lives that seemed different at time become valuable lessons for the future. However, I think it is so important that I firmly agree with the statement. This is because people can aided by our experiences and help other people who struggle to find solutions to their problems. ( good intro ) To begin with, people can have broaden views about their lives by using experience they experienced. People can use their past experience to find solutions to their current problems. Past experience can act as clue which is reliable(reliable to how? tell me more details on this sentence). As we have seen there is a proverb that failure is mothers of success. Thus people can use their past experience and that of result apply to solve their problems then they have more options which can solve their problems. For example, lighter brother wanted to fly and then they draw airplane sketch and tried to fly using plane which they invented even though they could not success but ////their sketch was used to invent our current air plane.*(이 문장 두문장으루 나눠주세요.) If people use lighter brother’s experience, they could not make our airplane also many people could not benefited from it. 그래서 이러이러한 이유로 이렇게 생각한다. 정리해 주어도 좋습니다. In addition, people could help others using their past experiences. To be specific a group of leaders have to suggest various solutions when they
According to a research conducted by the Ministry of Labor, there was a huge differences between two groups in relation to their rates of achievement. Group A was consists of a leader who had experience lot and used experience when he work and Group B was consists of a leader who regarded experience as trifling and no care. The Group A was meet problems and then a leader suggested his experience and gathered employees experiences to find their solutions. On the other hand, the Group B was meet problems and a leader directed his employees just find solutions without using experiences. The researchers show that Group A was solved problems faster than Group B. The researchers indicated that members in Group A came up suitable solution easily using their experience while Group B members struggled to find solutions. Members in Group B were at least find solutions but it was not proper to full solve the problem. This indicated that using one’s or others experience is helpful when people meet problems. ( very good ) In conclusion, I definitely believe that most experiences in our lives that seemed different at time become valuable lessons for the future. This is because our experiences are helpful enough to help others or people themselves. |
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점) 논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task 적절한 설명 appropriate explanation 적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details 일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence 다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety 적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale Fair - Good (22–26)
전반적으로 내용 정리가 좋습니다. 문법 오류들 체크와, 다양한 문장 구성 연습 좀더 conclusion연습 하신다면 더 좋은 에세이가 완성 될 것 같습니다.
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