■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : The majority of business owners are driven soley by the persuit of wealth. |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that a lot of business owners are driven only by the pursuit of wealth. However, in my opinion, I think committing to make the money more is not the sole purpose of the business owners for two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, there are many business owners who pursue various things. They invest their money to make the society healthier (health의 비교급). For example, they donate money to socially isolated people. For instance, there was a research that was conducted by the Seoul National University (고유명사 -> 대문자. the는 안 붙이셔도 됩니다). The purpose of the research is to know how many business owners donate their money to the society. The results of research was amazing. An overwhelming 60% of business owners donate their money to social welfare fields without thinking about any profits they can get from it. The survey proves that business owners pursue worthy things rather than thinking about only money. Also, they have campaigns to make people happy. For instance, last month, the medicine company came to my university and they gave students notes and vitamin jelly for free. They just wanted to cheer up students.
On top of that, nowadays there are lots of companies which think about the environment first. They think the environment is more important than wealth. They make eco-friendly product and its material fee is expensive but they accept it and do not increase the product price. For instance, one coffee shop nearby my house uses paper straw. (문장부호 꼭 찍어주세요.) I heard that paper straw is more expensive than plastic straw but they use paper straw because it can be recycled (수동태). Also, they give a free discount on coffee when people use their own tumbler.
To sum up, I strongly believe that the majority of business owners are driven by several things for two reasons. First, they invest their money to the society. Second they make high priority on the other things rather than money. |
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1. 철자 오류가 <굉장히> 잦은 편입니다.
심한 감점의 요인이 될 수 있으니, 에세이 작성을 마치시고 꼼꼼히 검토해주세요.
+) 단어를 외우실 때 스펠링을 집중적으로 외워주세요.
2. 첫 번째와 두 번째 바디가 비슷하게 느껴집니다.
결국에는 사회의 발전 도모 라는 결론으로 귀결되는 느낌이 강합니다.
차별화된 이유를 고르시면 더 좋을 거 같습니다.
3. 사소한 문법 오류들이 잦으니
proof-reading을 통해 실수를 줄여주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*