▶ Your Answer :
논리구성..ㅠ 1.improving school하면 건강해진다>학생들이 건강하면 공부에 더 집중>성적향상됨, 성적에 대한 부담감소>학업스트레스 감소로 건강한 학교생활 할수 있게됨>건강한 학교생활은 학교의 발전 가져옴>학교의 발전은 결국 나라의 발전을 만듦>결국, 나라의 발전을 위해서는 improving school해야하고 그러려면 위험요소인 학생의 스트레스를 제거해야됨>EX) 2.improving school하면 학생을 책임감있게 만든다>발전된 학교는 학생들에게 자긍심을 심어주고 책임감 갖게함>책임감을 갖는 학생은 자신뿐아니라 주변,나라에도 긍정적 영향줌>따라서 책임감있는 학생을 통해 학교발전은 나라발전을 만듦>EX)
Some people do not think that advantages of improving schools far outweigh those of disadvantages in terms of advancing a country. However, in my opinion, improving schools is no better way to advance a country for two reasons: to keep healthy and to enhance a sense of responsibility. To begin with, improving schools allows students to stay healthy, which contributes to develop a country. This is because when students keep healthy, they would be able to study harder than before. To be specific, healthy students always concentrate their subjects to learn and this should be able to upgrade students’ grades and plus, it will help students to release their stressful mind about competitive school records. Thus, non-stressed students might be create schools strongly in comparison to other schools which are only to bother their students so as to get a great record, and this enhanced schools promote a fortified country without fail. Over the long run, the dangerous basic element such as students’ stress certainly has to remove because this stress is very harmful for students and schools even a country. According to a study conducted by Seoul National University of Korea in 2012, a test on mice showed that life span was shorten when they regularly underwent series of electric shocks. Interestingly, the researchers found a link between this and human beings who suffered from periodic stress. This implies that high stress levels coming from stress can negatively affects humans, resulting in a shorter life span. On the top of that, improving schools plays a significant role in advancing teenager’s a sense of responsibility. This is due to the fact that improving schools implants a proudful mind to students and this will be able to bring a sense of responsibility to them. Consequently, self-esteemed students will become a better person who achieves a faithful duty and they will create their schools and country more desirable than ever. In this sense, advancing schools are very important for everyone, which is a key to develop a country. There is an research about responsibility to explain this. According to a study conducted by Seoul National University of Korea in 2011, students who has responsibility do better academically than their peers who do not because they know how to handle multiple task and responsibility and can consequently manage their time well. On the whole, students who struggle to study hard and want to gain a responsibility through their allowed assignments are more mature and better equipped to succeed than their non-having peers. These benefits extend far outside the classroom.
To sum up, schools benefits more from improving themselves than doing other things. This is attributed to the fact that it is capable of developing a sense of responsibility as well as improving students’ health. In this regard, I strongly agree with the statement that improving schools is the best way to advance a country for the reasons I mentioned above.
|