■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : the government should invest more in supporting art museums and music performances thanrecreational facilities such as play grounds or public swimming pool.
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, investments of a government play a significant role in people’s lives in many of places where they work or play. Some people think that investments in supporting art museums and music performances are better than recreational facilities, while others do not. Both sides may have some reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that the government should invest more in recreational facilities such as play grounds or public swimming pool. There are several reasons as followers. Most of all, when a government spends money on exercise facilities, it can help people improve their physical condition. The facilities with good equipment (불가산명사이므로 복수가 불가능합니다.) provide people to easy access to places such as parks, swimming pools and gyms, which encourage people to exercise more often. This is likely to prevent them from getting sick or overweight. For example, my younger sister used to suffer from diabetes and obesity because of her sedentary life. To survive competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. She often visited art museums and music performances to relieve stress with her friend, but it was not helpful to improve her physical health. However, she changed more and more after a government invested in building park. She could gain some muscle mass and had better control of her blood sugar by jogging in a nearby the park. As the government equipped with external exercise machines in the park, she was able to exercise without spending money. She eventually lost 20 pounds and has been maintaining a normal weight without getting diagnosed with a serious illness. If the government had built art museums instead of parks, her physical condition would not have been able to improve. In short, I strongly believe that the advantage of investing in recreational facilities through government efforts far outweigh having art museums and music performances for the reasons I mentioned above. All in all, the importance of spending money on sport facilities cannot overestimated in life.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
(반대의견이라면 더욱 좋을 듯 합니다.)
3. 문법은 대체적으로 깔끔한 편입니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*