▶ Your Answer :
People in my parents' generation are more familiar with living in extended family including grandparents and even their relatives together. They think that it has a lot of meanings to get mingled with a lot of family members. However, as the world has been changed, the norm or importance of living shifted. It is rare to discover the case that people living with their big family. I think the importance of the extended family has been lessened in these days. To begin with, a number of people in current days are not well aware of the prominence of extended family. People started to settle their household far away from their relative for their private circumstances, which and it makes them to meet less time in their lives. It also forces them to miss out common standards to share each other (What is that?) and becoming the same as other people outside family. The fissure between a small family and the relatives is getting wider. To be specific, unlike today, my father used to live with his cousins during at his childhood and they were same as the real brother. To be specific, (Sound unnatural) when I was an elementary school student, I used to live in an extended family. However, my family had to move to other cities due to my father's job transition. As I grew older and went through adolescence at my teenage years, I started to forget about my cousins and grandparents since we had hardly visit each other. I lost a number of common things with them and rather closer to my university friends as of right now. On top of that, they more care about more terrestrial values. (What does it exactly mean?) The world has been shifted to market-based system and people's perspectives on their lives changed. They pay more attentions to their futures and monetary issues to guarantee more stability to their small family members. Many people decided to put more priority on taking care of their own family and are usually running out of time for distant family. For instance, when I was a high school student, my nation went through economic crisis and it had acted negatively on majority of household in my country. My father started to put entire effort to recover my family's financial status and we could not make time for contacting to our distant family members due to dearth of time and money. As we put our main goal on money, the existence of my extended family become fade. The main reason was people in present days regard monetary issues more critical than the family. To sum up, many people forget to consider the importance of extended family as they physically and mentally become inconsistent with them. Also, people in these days changed their outlook on the world corresponding to the condition they confront to. In this regard, I think the extended family is less vital for people in modern days.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 3 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-23 |
- 문장전환이 부자연스러운 부분이 있습니다.
- 단순히 친척들과 떨어져 멀리 살기에 forget cousin? 라기보다는 가까이있는 사람들을 더욱 가족처럼 여기는 문화?또는 그러한 트렌드가 많다 등의 주장을 언급해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다. - 두 번째 예제에서 역시 멀리사는 가족과 연력하기에 어렵다 라는 부분이 첫 번째 내용의 전개와 비슷하게 흘러가는 부분이 있습니다.
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